Thursday, January 22, 2009

in which I use forbidden words

Abigail in January '07...nothing to do with the post, but really, you would NOT have wanted a relevant picture after you've read down a little further.

**This is not a post about taxes. It is a post about nasty children that I still love anyway. And what I learned today.**

So last year I had this whole mess on my hands because I filed our taxes nice and early. And THEN the dumb university mailed us a form, in like March or something, and it was wrong, and I had to hunt all over the university to find the one person who could actually do the corrected form, and they'd messed up so many that we barely filed the amended return by the deadline. So I vowed that this year I would take my time.

Except that as the tax documents trickle in, I've been secretly filling out the forms, even though Neil sternly forbid me to submit them before the middle of February. So today when we got yet another messed-up document from the university, I tried to track down the fix-it person again. And while I waited on hold, I thought about how maybe I should learn to procrastinate a little more, and maybe things would work themselves out, but I just can't stand to not be on top of things and know exactly what's going on.

At this point I saw--or rather, smelled--Juliet pass by. I rolled my eyes, and thought about how unfair it is that she never does this while Neil's home, and about how she had so many stinky diapers on Tuesday morning that Abigail finally looked at her sternly and said, "Juliet. No. More. Pooping." (and I really hate that word, but after decades of avoiding it, I finally had to break down and use it when we were potty training. so apologies for using it on my blog. but on the other hand, Juliet LOVES to announce when she has produced something in her diaper, and she especially likes to yell it at the top of her lungs in church, as in pointing to her diaper, and yelling, "Poo! Right dere, poo, right dere!" It's really embarrassing, but I hope it means potty training will go quickly). And I thought, "I should change her right now...but really, what's going to happen if I wait until I'm finished? Judging from her diapers earlier today, there can't be too much left in her system, and it's not like an infant where it will leak out..."

Anyway, I asked Abigail if she would go grab a clean diaper and wipes, and then I finished up my phone conversation and ran over to enter the new info, write down some more contact info, and tried to do a quick run through the numbers to see how this particular form was going to affect my tax liability if a) it was actually correct b) it was corrected the way I think it should be and c) if it was corrected the way I'm guessing it will be--those slackers, always putting off amending things until next year.

So there I was, all wrapped up in my numerical schemes, when I heard Abigail SHRIEK, and I ran into the living room, and for the first time in my life, I saw a child playing with its own feces. I have no idea how it happened, but let me just tell you, that was a very traumatizing moment for both Abigail and I, and apparently Juliet could not understand why we weren't proud of her ability to correctly (and loudly) identify the newly-fingerprinted little pebble rolling around on the carpet.

And then I stripped off her clothes and repented of everything I'd thought earlier about things not gushing out...because there was gush. And so I changed that horrible awful diaper, and Juliet made gagging sounds the entire time in happy imitation of me and chortled with glee, while Abigail stood by in frozen horror, then took off running to Jules' room and came back to breathlessly say, "Mommy, I got you a clean onesie for Juliet..."

And then I resolved that I will do more selective procrastination of things I really enjoy (tax documents) and I will not procrastinate certain other things that I loathe (changing diapers).

**also, what's wrong with me that I would waaaay rather play with my income taxes than change my child's diaper? do I have defective mother wiring?


Katrina said...

oh my heavens so funny!

Brittanie said...

I just mentioned to Marcus earlier this week that I must have something defective because I would WAY rather work on finances or taxes then do certain things for my kids.

Funny and very gross story;)

Ruth said...

I am taking a tax class right now and it is very interesting learning about individual tax returns and all the rules relating to's the homework i look forward to the most.

Thanks for calling today, it is very kind of you to think of me.

amy said...

I completely empathize. If you need to borrow a carpet cleaner, just give me a call. It makes me feel so much better hearing stories about this because now I know my kids aren't the only ones who do this.:)

Crapos said...

I think this is funny because all day long I've been moving my tax document pile around the house with my kids in an effort to get it all filled out today.

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