Wednesday, April 01, 2009

woe is me

well, here's the deal: the round ligament that supports the uterus apparently created itself a rapidly expanding hernia that is getting progressively larger and more dangerous. so I'm scheduled for surgery early Friday morning.

I don't know why, but this is absolutely overwhelming to me. Maybe it was a cumulative effect from the hour and a half I sat waiting to see the surgeon, who was running late, and imagining all sorts of dire possibilities. Maybe it was the news that I wouldn't be able to pick up my children for the next four months, or go for a restorative run. Maybe it's just the fact that I've usually been able to do everything and more I need to do, and now I'm so bewildered and overwhelmed that I literally cannot even think how to entertain the girls for the rest of the day--something that I've been doing day in, day out for the last four years. Maybe it's the fact that I still have five weeks of the semester left--of getting up at 6 am and somehow getting through two hours of lecturing and grading when I get home. Maybe it's just the enormously terrifying prospect of having abdominal surgery when I'm 24 weeks pregnant, and listening to an endless list of adjustments they're going to have to make to ensure the well-being of the baby (high up on that list: no general anesthesia, and possibly nothing after the surgery).

I'm sure everything will seem better tomorrow, but right now about all I'm good for is sitting on the floor with the kids in my lap and crying.

9 comments:

Aubrey said...

you are in my prayers. i am sorry for all the difficulties that you are experiencing right now. i hope that the best will arise soon. be strong!

Jolena said...

Hey there. I've got you in my prayers. This will all work out for the best. You're strong and amazing and you'll get through it. You can do it!

Elise Decker said...

YOU CAN DO IT!!! i love you and will talk to you any time you want!

Rachel Mae said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. I can understand why you'd feel that way. Just focus on one day at a time. I'll be thinking of you.

Katrina said...

I'm sorry, Rach! It really will be ok. You can do this!

tricki_nicki said...

Ummm, no anesthesia? Good grief. You just sit and cry and fall apart for a while. I'm giving you a big virtual hug - and hoping this goes quickly and smoothly.

Sarah Harward said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I'm glad they found out what was wrong. Amanda had to have her apendix out when she was seven months with Porter, no fun. Let me know if there's something I can do. I'll be out of town this weekend, but I'm more than happy to help!

Brittanie said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad they found the problem. You are in a great area with lots of friends and support. Hopefully that will be a great strength during the hard time.

Crapos said...

I've been thinking all day of something useful or comforting I could tell you, but all I came up with was that the Lord will take care of you all. The Atonement is an amazing thing. Love you and we'll be praying.

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