Saturday, June 15, 2013

This week

It's been a good week.  Lots of hiking, lots of crafting, lots of playing outside, lots of living.

On Sunday evening we went for a hike at one of our favorite parks and discovered that there was a whole network of trails that we'd never found before.  Some construction had opened up a new route to these paths and we were so thrilled!!  (And sad to think we've lived here 7 years and just found these.  Better late than never.)

My kids are always so thrilled when we "hike" through the glacial ravines in our part of the country.   "Look at the giant mountain!" they say.  Can't wait to see their reaction to the Rockies. :-)

My sweet Tot.  Even when he is a stinker and won't go to sleep I still love to kiss his fat little face.  Sidenote: I wore this red shirt when I took the kids to the dentist last week and the receptionist told me I looked lovely and that it was a perfect color on me.  It totally made my day and I thought how much a compliment from a relative stranger means.  I'm usually pretty good at giving compliments to people I know, but I want to start doing it more for strangers.

On Friday the kids made a batch of lemon bars (I took the pan out of the oven and poured the filling over the hot crust, but they did everything else) and they were so proud of their creation.  We ate it later that night during a rousing family game of Cranium.  Abigail, Luke, and I were ahead for almost the whole game and then we lost on the last 2 turns...poor Abigail started crying and was trying so hard to hide it.  I rubbed her back and whispered into her ear that Daddy and I wanted her to stay up and play a game later--just us big people.  She was so thrilled--I was completely exhausted and ready for bed but it was so worth delaying my own collapse in order to spend those 40 minutes playing Settlers of Cataan with her.  (She lost again but didn't care.)


My beautiful little Nathan.  I love love love my sweet baby and I love the natural light in my bedroom every afternoon.

Luke on our walk this morning--we cleaned the church together and then went to another park where we hiked the last time we cleaned the church.  Oh look!  A tradition! :-)

And last but not least, an update on me.  I am doing so well.  I honestly can't believe the difference that the medication is making--it is literally night and day.  The week before I started I spent one whole Sunday in bed crying almost the whole day.  When Neil got home from church I sobbed to him that there was nothing good in my life--not one thing.  He named off all kinds of good things and I categorically shot them all down with the pessimistic flip side of the good thing.  I told him that I wasn't suicidal but I really did feel like I had nothing to live for--like I was just existing and there was nothing to look forward to and my life just stretched ahead of me in a horrible dreary road and the only way I could keep going was to not think about the bleak future.

The second day that I was on the medication I woke up feeling like the world was burgeoning with possibility.  All of the things that were stressful and burdensome in my life were still there, but I felt like I could not only conquer them--they just didn't concern me.  I realized that there was nothing I could do about them but worry and so I just put them aside and focused on having a great day with the kids.  Yesterday I looked around the house and realized it was totally trashed and that I should have asked the kids to clean up before they went outside to play in the sprinkler.  Old Me would have been SO frustrated and started crying, feeling like the house would never EVER be clean EVER.  New Me shrugged, decided they could clean it up later, and grabbed a handful of popsicles out of the freezer and passed them out to my dripping little munchkins.

It's amazing and I am so, so, so grateful that I am able to enjoy my life again.


Adrienne said...

Glad your medication is working. You inspire me.

Robin V said...

I usually just lurk (and marvel), but I want to say how happy I am for you, that the medication is helping you. Hurrah! We are blessed to have such tools available to us.

Anonymous said...

Wonderful post! I'm so happy for you that things are better. You are very dear to us all.
Aunt Pam

aLi said...

Yes you are an inspiration, and I marvel at your life, and you are a dear to me as well! Thank you for continuing your blog even with a 5th baby!!! Your blog is like a ray of sunshine to me.

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