Sunday, November 03, 2013

Focus on the positive

Lately I have been really struggling with my self-esteem.  I look around at my life and see all of the ways I'm falling short, or all of the things I'm not doing, or all of the things that someone else is doing better.  And when I do think of something I'm doing well, I immediately add a "but I don't" statement to qualify it.

Last night I was feeling so awful about myself that I really had trouble sleeping--Neil and I had spent the entire day working on various house projects and we had accomplished a TON of things--but all I could think about was what else I should have done, or how I should have done something more efficiently, or for a smaller cost, or that Neil really shouldn't have been home helping because he should have been at work all day.  Argh.

So I challenged myself this afternoon to think of ten things that I am good at, and refused to record the qualifiers that I normally would have added.  It took me kind of an embarrassingly long time to come up with this list, but such as life.

1) I'm good at managing the needs & medication schedule of my often-sick children and nursing my babies as long as I can, despite some pretty daunting challenges.  Nathan's feedings, for instance, require that I try to nurse him (he usually eats for less than 2 minutes), and then pump, and then somehow get the pumped milk into him via syringe, bottle (he doesn't do well with this), or mixing with oatmeal.  It's a long and exhausting process and I do it over and over every day.  Someone once left a very hurtful comment on my blog about how often my children are sick and I appreciated so much the person who countered by saying how lucky my kids are to have a mother who can remember who needs a breathing treatment when and everyone's dosage schedule.  That kind comment has brought me so much comfort.

2) I'm good at starting AND finishing projects.

3) I'm good at keeping track of everyone's homework assignments, practice schedules, permission slips, and knowing who their friends are and how their day went.  I'm good at making time to touch base with all of my kids every day.

4) I'm good at exercising consistently.

5) I'm good at creating daily opportunities to read stories and cuddle with my children.

6) I'm good at vacuuming my house every day and keeping things acceptably tidy.

7) I'm good at separating work & family responsibilities and not allowing my job to infringe on my time with my children.

8) I'm good at baking bread.

9) I'm good at washing laundry frequently enough so that everyone always has clean clothes.

10) I'm good at creating traditions and memorable moments for our family.


Kayli said...

You are so great at so MANY things!!

Amanda said...

I have been reading your blog for about 2 years plus. I fully agree with what you state as things you are good at because their are MANY times after reading your blog the next day I am inspired to spend more time reading etc etc to my children. You are a living example of choosing to raise your family and live your life based on your values and what is important to you- not what is easy.

Jolena said...

I'm so sad you're struggling so much with things. I'm always so impressed with what you do. I know we usually put our best foot forward on our blogs, but I'm glad you're trying to be genuine. You do all of those things amazingly well and so many more things besides. I just want to give you the biggest hug and tell you you're enough, your efforts for your family are enough, and you are the perfect person to be the wife and mom and woman you are in your particular spot. Nobody else could fill your shoes half as well and don't ever forget it. Love you!

Jen said...

You are awesome and frequently inspire me to step it up in certain areas of my life. Today you've inspired me to think about what I am good at, because I could use that reassurance don't be mad when I copy this in a post tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing and we all love you. Try for more sleep and you'll feel better about most things.xoxo
Aunt Pam

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