Tuesday, February 18, 2014

getting some sunshine

Today has been really hard--I've just been dragging and exhausted all day. As always, it is a huge fight to get Nathan to eat anything...it's getting worse every day rather than improving. I can't believe we've been doing this for 10 months without finding some sort of solution. I found myself thinking over and over today how badly I wanted to take a day away from it all but knowing at the same time that I literally couldn't ask anyone, even my dear husband, to step in and navigate the complicated routine of getting this baby fed and dealing with Luke's GI issues and all of the daily routine of homework and lessons and housework and all of that. Really, it was just a mentally grueling day with nothing particularly dire happening...just feeling the weight and weariness.

1) I'm really grateful for the friends who trade date-night babysitting with us. Like I said, it's much harder for me to feel like I can leave the kids these days and I am so so so so grateful for the fact that I can escape for a couple of hours once a month.

2) We bundled the kids up in their snow clothes today and hit the woods. It was a nightmare getting them all ready and it was a double nightmare when we got home (we had to leave for piano lessons 15 minutes later), but let me tell you, it was a perfect golden hour in the woods and the snow. The kids rolled down hill after hill after hill and were just laughing and joyous. At one point I found myself getting frustrated because I was planning to hike through the woods, and the kids just wanted to run around throwing snow at trees, and I found myself thinking of this talk from President Uchtdorf where he remarks:

" My wife, Harriet, and I love riding our bicycles. It is wonderful to get out and enjoy the beauties of nature. We have certain routes we like to bike, but we don’t pay too much attention to how far we go or how fast we travel in comparison with other riders.
However, occasionally I think we should be a bit more competitive. I even think we could get a better time or ride at a higher speed if only we pushed ourselves a little more. And then sometimes I even make the big mistake of mentioning this idea to my wonderful wife.
Her typical reaction to my suggestions of this nature is always very kind, very clear, and very direct. She smiles and says, “Dieter, it’s not a race; it’s a journey. Enjoy the moment.”
How right she is!
Sometimes in life we become so focused on the finish line that we fail to find joy in the journey. I don’t go cycling with my wife because I’m excited about finishing. I go because the experience of being with her is sweet and enjoyable."
So I did my best to enjoy the day--I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths and let go of my expectations for the afternoon, and resolved to enjoy whatever happened. And it really was lovely. We drank hot chocolate from our Thermos bottle and peeled juicy clementines that exploded with sweetness. Jules slid down hills on her belly like a little otter. Abigail told me that she was running so quickly through the snow that her "heart was pounding like the hooves of a bounding gazelle." Isaac ran uphill and down for quite some time before I realized that what I thought was a snowball in his hand was actually one of his boots...didn't bother him at all to be bootless, apparently! And Luke, my funny little man, was eating some not-so-clean snow which I told him was nasty and not for eating, upon which he threw it on the ground, stomped firmly on it with one little boot, and declared loudly, "Mommy, I stomped dat great and evil snow!" Sweet Nathan looked like the cutest little Eskimo possible bundled up in his blue bunting--kissable and darling.

3) Speaking of Luke's darlingness, he has a LEGO mini-figure that he carries around with him all the time these days. It's a Civil War soldier wielding a lightsaber, and he calls it "Gennelman [gentleman] Lightsaber." He talks to it all the time and it's the cutest thing. Out of all my children, Luke by far has the most vivid imaginary life...he always keeps up a running dialogue with his toys and gives them distinct and different voices (my favorite is when he talks for his Yoda minifigure and says, "Yoda I am, hmm?" in a Yoda-esque voice).

4) I am so glad that today was the day when my cleaning lady comes (what is the politically correct way to say that without sounding derogatory? Should I say "the magic friend who makes my house look far lovelier than it ever does when I'm the one cleaning?") Anyway, she came and left tranquility in her wake. As always, before she comes I find myself thinking, ergh, should I really be paying someone else to clean my house? Aren't there other things I should be spending this money on? and then she leaves and it is SO wonderful and shining and I remember how much my mood is affected by my environment and I realize that yes, it is 100% worth every penny.

5) I spent a perfect half-hour curled up on my bed this afternoon with Isaac. I was reading Little House in the Big Woods to him while the little boys napped. Isaac snuggled up next to me and I wrapped my arms around him and looked at his long lashes brushing his cheeks and thought about how much I adore this son of mine.

1 comment:

Kayli said...

When we heard that talk by Pres. Uchtdorf Brett said, "But what if you LIKE to go fast and see how fast you can get from A to B?!"

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