Saturday, April 19, 2014

when he is older

Today has been an interesting day.

This morning I took the girls to school, took Isaac to preschool, and then went back to school to help out with Abigail's class party for a couple of hours. (It was amazing--they were headed off on a field trip this afternoon to see a production of "Alice in Wonderland" and so they had a Mad Hatter Tea Party this morning that was completely Pinterest-worthy right down to the Cheshire cat faces on the cupcakes and the homemade petits-fours with the words "eat me" written on them and the pieces of cheese cut out in hearts, spades, diamonds, and clubs, and the edible teacups filled with fresh fruit...yeah, you get the idea. And there were games and decorations and it was really so impressive!).

Anyway, after Abigail's party I picked Isaac up and brought the boys home and started getting lunch and realized I felt awful. I had been so busy all morning that I hadn't paid attention to how I was feeling, but suddenly I was dizzy and hot--sure enough, I was running a fever. So basically I took a nearly-comatose nap all afternoon before going to get the girls from school and taking them to the optometrist. Then I came home and started dinner and went back to bed while Neil fed everyone. I tried to get up a couple of times but I felt so wretched that I ended up just resting until Neil left for work when the kids were in bed, and then I was up putting people back to bed over and over and I decided I might as well do all the house stuff that I hadn't done all day like picking up and folding laundry and paying bills. This was interspersed with kids waking up (Nathan and Luke were both feverish too) and then I looked at the clock when Luke was crying and it was 12:38 AM with still no sign of Neil and I started feeling all "woe is me, what kind of a Friday night is this, grad school is never-ending," etc.

I was lying in bed next to Luke rubbing his back while he slowly fell asleep and suddenly all of the agitation and stress and "I'm not feeling well" of the day just sort of melted away as I listened to his breathing slow and deepen. I started to get up and immediately both of his little hands reached out for me and as soon as he touched my face, he instantly fell asleep again. I lay there for a little longer thinking about what a blissful stage of motherhood I am in right now. Yes, there is a lot of running around and messes and sleep deprivation, but my children are contented by my presence and that is an amazing thing.

Abigail said something the other day--I don't even remember the context--but it was something about people worrying about their kids taking off at museums or zoos and losing them--something along those lines. And she looked blankly at me and said, "But Mom, why would we ever run away when we have such an awesome mommy like you? That just doesn't make sense."

Oh, how that warmed my heart. And how grateful I am for how affectionate all of my children are; for their willingness to cuddle and snuggle and be physically close to me and generously bestow their tight squeezy hugs and drooly little kisses (I got some very wet kisses from baby Nathan today!) and to help me to know how very loved I am and that even though there are a million ways I could be a better mother (and believe you me, they often tell me in detail how I can improve!), I am still a good mother who is trying my best.

1 comment:

Meghan said...

Though I'm sad that you're sick, this is a wonderful example of stopping to appreciate the moments of joy in your life. Hope you feel better soon, and thanks for the reminder.

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