Thursday, August 14, 2014

Changes


































My three oldest children are all at school right now and I am missing them SO much! Yesterday was a really, really, really hard day for me. Lots of tears (from me, not them!). I have felt so great about Abigail & Juliet's classes & teachers this year, but Isaac's has caused a lot more uncertainty. Fortunately, yesterday I finally worked out a schedule with his principal and teacher that makes me feel much better about things--essentially he goes to school until around naptime and then I pick him up and have two precious glowing golden hours with him while Natie (and maybe Luke?) is/are napping.

In any case, I am home with just Nate and Luke this morning and boy oh boy is it going to be good for those two to get some time together to become friends! It is sorely needed (it's been a long morning already!).

Last night I was lying awake thinking about things and I suddenly had a flash of inspiration about this blog. I've been searching for a more appropriate name since Juliet was born, and I realized that the quote I have inscribed into my planner pretty much perfectly encapsulates how I feel about my life right now. It's from Anne Campbell (unfortunately I couldn't format the header to display the quote attribution as well so hopefully this will do).

The poem is called "To My Child," and I like the first stanza best:


“You are the trip I did not take, you are the pearls I could not buy,
you are my blue Italian lake, you are my piece of foreign sky.

You are my Honolulu moon, you are the book I did not write,
you are my heart's unuttered tune, you are a candle in my night.

You are the flower beneath the snow, in my dark sky a bit of blue,
answering disappointment's blow with "I am happy! I have you!”

It's a bit of a downer poem in some ways, but that's one of the things I like about it. Motherhood isn't all about self-fulfillment. There's a lot of sacrifice and putting yourself on the back burner and questioning all the time if you're doing ANYTHING right at all or if you're messing your kids up irrevocably. But at the same time, there IS so much joy and fulfillment of a different and deeper sort. It's quiet and it's not grandiose and your post or tweet or status update about making it through another day isn't going to go viral.

But you and I know that inexpressible heart-swelling gratitude for the opportunity to pour every bit of ourselves into this calling. And those children of mine truly are my foreign sky.

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails