Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Can't even think of a good title

Just realizing how crooked all those pictures are in the gallery wall, thanks to kids jumping on the couch...
Oh, blogging. It's been forever.

Remember back in October when I found out that I needed to switch things up work-wise? So, happily, everything has worked out beautifully, but it has involved like a gazillion hours of work. My department did some finangling and assigned me one class, which was AWESOME, and meant that I only needed another 11.5 hours per month to boost our income to an equivalent point, which I figured was totally doable (folks, that M.A. in English has actually turned out to be quite lucrative, so don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't major in "lying around reading books all day" and not make a living. Okay, so I maybe do have some other skills/training that have actually made my current career possible, but whatever, mostly I just majored in lying around and reading books all day).

So anyway, I accepted a longish-term position editing a project that I feel really passionately about (if you want details PM me, but it's sufficiently well-known that I don't want to post it here for privacy reasons). And for the first month I worked exactly 11.5 hours, and for December it was the same, which was nice, because it was basically bonus money (hello, Aspen!) since I was still teaching two classes, and then in January I worked 50 hours. So far. FIFTY.

You guys, it is really really hard to scrape fifty hours up when you categorically refuse to work during the day when the kids are awake, and when you have five kids, and when you are still trying to keep the house running and help everyone with homework and drive them places and going for a run every day and things like that. There have been a lot of late nights and there have been a few nights where Neil came home and I just served everyone the dinner that I'd made earlier, and then took my dinner into our bedroom and shut the door and spent the next five hours with my laptop (I hate those nights). And there have been one or two afternoons where Luke and Isaac watched a movie (I hate hate hate those times. I know about 99% of the world has no problem with this, but man, I have a really hard time with it to the point that the guilt almost invariably outweighs the benefits. Those were days where I HAD to hit a deadline within the hour). And there have been far too many days where I was running on empty and my family did not get the best part of me. But we're almost through the big rush and theoretically the next months should be much lower-key.

Anyway, that's why I haven't been blogging. Virtually all of my time and energy has gone to maintaining some semblance of normalcy around here, with varying success (oh, did I mention that I'm teaching too?!). And while there have been mornings spent sledding and afternoons spent painting and evenings spent cuddled up companionably around the fire, they just haven't made it onto this little blog, because once the kids are in bed my laptop is out and I am working feverishly until the wee hours. (Finally blogging today because I just turned everything in to the graphic designer and I have a bit of breathing space!)

So. Life is never easy, but it goes on. And while the stress of working is soooo frustrating at times, it is always SO good for me to pause for a moment and simply be grateful that I am stressed about my job, because I HAVE a job, and I am not worrying if we will be able to fund another semester of Neil's schooling, or if we'll be able to buy groceries next week. Life is not easy, but it is good. And maybe someday I will blog about all of the things rattling around in my brain--like the really stellar mozzarella that the kids made last week, or the heavenly challah recipe that I've finally tweaked to perfection, or my latest musings on the kiddos and what I'm learning about parenthood...but maybe not. I can't do everything, and I certainly can't do it as perfectly as I wish I could. And I'm learning (slowly, oh so slowly) to accept that fact.

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