where my heart is

Today I quit my position as an instructional designer. I could go on for a long time about the whys and the wherefores, but it boils down to this: my family is more important. Even if I'm only working when they're asleep, it was a drain on the resources and energy I had to offer, especially with three children and with Abigail getting older.

I've been somewhat dreading actually making this call, since I am the type of person who has a really hard time admitting that I can't do things (case in point: my freshman year at BYU involved 21 credits per semester plus being on the Residence Halls Council, which was about another 20 hours a week planning activities for all the freshmen living in the dorms). Plus, let's be honest, the money was really nice. Especially since I've asked for (and gotten) two very substantial raises in the last five months. On the flip side, there's been some serious spiritual prompting telling me this is the right choice. So I knew I needed to do it.

And after I got off the phone, I felt so free. So light. I wasn't thinking of the lost income. All I could think about was the time I now have. Time to play "Hi-ho, Cherry-o!" a million and one times. Time to read more than one chapter of Little House on the Prairie to Abigail while the other two sleep. Time to reorganize my closets. Time to spend a whole hour planning meals for the week. Time to actually take a few minutes for myself during quiet time. Time playing with the children where there isn't a nagging voice in the back of my head reminding me of the work I need to do when they're asleep. Time to do things that I really love.

I hope this euphoria continues through next week, which is when I start teaching again (but only one class rather than my usual two. And plus, I love teaching. Which I can't really say for instructional design. Here's hoping that the online class works, since most of what I love about teaching is actually interacting with students and being in front of the class).