Thursday, October 22, 2009

choice and consequences

It's been an interesting morning. I hope we can look back at it as a turning point.

The end result is that Abigail is not allowed to be in any room by herself. She has to be in the same room with a parent for the next three days, unless she is asleep. We're talking a lot about how we all have free agency, but the choices we make have consequences (i.e. if you sneak outside while Mommy is nursing the baby she can't trust you, and if you climb up and get the markers on the 'fridge while Mommy is in the shower, color all over the furniture and walls (all. over. all over. everything). and then hand off the markers to your sister when you hear Mommy coming you lose even more trust. And when you lie about the whole thing, well, even worse).

We'll see how this goes. As I said before, I'm hoping that this is a turning point that teaches about consequences, about lying, and about not tempting other people towards misbehavior.

One thing I do have to say is that I think the best choice I made today was to call Neil and ask him to leave work for an hour, because I was not at a point where I was thinking rationally and for the first time I really didn't feel like it was the best option for me to be alone with the kids right then, especially since I'm sick and Isaac was up most of the night (the best part--right after I discovered the marker and all three kids were yelling at once and I was still in my bathrobe with wet hair, the Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door).

So while I felt really bad about asking him to come home from work, I think on the whole it was better for our family for me to just leave the house for an hour, cool down, and then be able to come back and deal with the situation more calmly. I don't think I would have been able to make that call a year ago.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that nobody's perfect, and nobody can be calm and patient and reasonable all the time, and I think it's good to acknowledge sometimes that you just have to step back. And take a break. Not a long break, but enough. And you're all the better for it.

4 comments:

Elise said...

i'm sorry! i hope Abigail learns this really fast so that you don't have to deal with it as much anymore. that really stinks :( But I'm glad that you and Neil were able to sort it out together and it sounds like you figured out a good way to deal with it.

Chad said...

I hope she learns about her consequences as well. But, my 12 year-old hasn't learned yet. Does it ever happen?

Kritta22 said...

Wow! You are a superstar in my book! I'm proud of you for calling Neil. I hope that she is learning her lesson.

Anonymous said...

Some lessons are probably best taught when we have to teach them to others.

I think we can also see why, when God blesses us with children, he generally does so while we are young and strong rather than old and wise.
1) we have the resiliency to quickly bounce back (because the kids haven't stopped to wait for us);
2) the process has a lot to do with the wisdom we have if we survive to "old."

I love you and have every confidence that you are a wonderful person and a great mom.

dud

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