Monday, July 07, 2008

advice, please



This picture has nothing to do with the post, but what fun is a post without a picture? Suffice it to say that Abigail told me that our early morning jaunt to the blueberry farm made her "mostest happy," as did the blueberry-lemon tea bread she consumed like a ravening beast as soon as it cooled.

So I am really incredibly super busy. In addition to all my regular Monday chores, I am also supposed to be beginning the packing odyssey for our trip, plus I have a gazillion visiting teaching thingies and people are moving out of the ward left and right and I'm supposed to be spending a LOT of time today trying to finish this editing project before I leave. Which means I have no time to blog, but I do have a burning question for you (as I've been thinking about this since my sister's fiance asked us this very question two weeks ago), and I want everyone who reads this blog to comment, married or not!
What's your best piece of advice for the first year of marriage?

16 comments:

Victoria said...

Relax and Enjoy!

Kritta22 said...

When fighting, cause it's gonna happen, don't use the word You. It really helps because you have to rephrase your comments to less hurtful sentences. And you have to think about what you say!

Kayli said...

Hmm, I think the thing about the first year is that you are way more sensitive than you would normally be. So, just stay married because it gets easier after that (you don't take things so hard, plus you're just more used to each other). And ENJOY the highs --cause first year highs are really special.

Katrina said...

Hmm... I don't think I have anything profound, but as one who is not far past her first year of marriage, I say just savor the time together. Celebrate all the little milestones. Drink each other up. Talk. Kiss. Laugh. Don't take yourself too seriously. And enjoy being able to walk around naked as much as you want. ;-)

Nate & Nicole said...

Have fun and be spontaneous! We didn't experience any of the first year lows/drama that I know are pretty common. I think that's because we dated for a looong time, and there weren't any surprises or adjustments; it really was just so much fun to live together and be together all the time.

Rachael said...

I guess I should give mine too--turn off the noise-makers and just talk. No matter how well you think you know your spouse from dating, there's always things to discover after you're married, and things to plan about your life together. We never had the radio or CD player on in the car for our first year, and it was so nice to just talk like crazy together. I think that really helped us solidify the "best friends" thing as well as being husband and wife.

Kristin said...

I agree with not using the word "you"... you strategically have to phrase your comments. Enjoy being able to be spontaneous. We took a lot of last minute weekend trips (Grand Canyon, Phoenix, Park City, Saint George, camping with the Bailey's) without any kids, and those are some of the best memories we have.

The Waltz Family said...

Such good comments already! Well, having been previously married, and now on my second marriage (and for sure my last!), I can honestly say I learned so much the first time around that has made this marriage so much better. I would honestly say to never, ever take the other person for granted. Trust me, it can happen. Long story short, in my first marriage I was taken for granted (amongst other things) all the time. This lead to me not wanting to do as much for someone who didn't appreciate me, or treat me well at all.

This time around, my current husband has been in the same boat in the past, so we NEVER take each other for granted. We are constantly doing little things for each other, and constantly saying "thank you", even for those small things. When you truly appreciate someone, and let them know that you do, you both have a much happier marriage!

Malinda said...

I think the one thing that would've made a huge difference in my marriage is to stay strong in the gospel. If I had been more insistent about going to church and reading scriptures and having family prayer and FHE etc, I think we would have been much better off. Also, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself (when it's appropriate).

Also, I've heard many times that you should never go to bed angry, but I believe that there's a time when it's MUCH better to go to bed than it is to keep hashing things out a 2 in the morning. I am always much more cranky if I am tired, so sometimes a few hours of sleep really solves a lot of problems.

Jason & Melanie Morales Family said...

I love these comments- good reminders! I'd have to say that these fights are the insignificant ones (hopefully!) so don't make a big deal out of them. I think marriage gets much harder when kids come along- love the time you have with just the two of you!

tricki_nicki said...

The best thing my hubs and I have learned after eight years is to learn how to fight. It sounds strange, I know. But if you can learn how to argue gracefully it makes your life together a whole lot easier. The goal of every argument should be to end peacefully.

The Shabby Princess said...

Hmm... This is very cliche, but, be honest. All the time. Be honest with each other--especially if you're in the middle/end of a fight/spat. Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, someone says something they don't mean, but, ends up being hurtful to the other--when things have cooled down, be honest about any hurt feelings, etc. It's much better just to say "hey, what you said earlier, that actually made me feel ___" rather than just brewing about it and getting more upset.

And, yes, of course, enjoy it. Enjoy the weirdness of having "our" versus "mine" enjoy setting up your first apartment/home, enjoy the silly things like burnt dinners and cheap take-out. Enjoy those silly things that you do because it won't be long before those days seem like they were sooooo long ago.

lanada said...

am i allowed to give advice even though i'm still in that first year? cuz i'm going to.

compliment each other. tell your husband how attractive/smart/funny/thoughtful/whatever you think he is. tell him to his face. let him know when you're proud of him. it's easy to assume he already knows, but that doesn't mean he doesn't still need to be reminded.

Kate said...

Rachael,

I'm totally great with giving you the password! I'm really only doing for one specific reason (to long to explain here)... and I'm open to giving it out to whoever finds it interesting. Plus I know you. I always love the comments you leave!

As far as wedding advice? Hmmm.... my husband and I dated for a while before we were married so we didn't have any of the 1st year drama we hear about. (I think that's key to a blissful first year)

One thing we did (mostly because we were broke) was we didn't have ANY TV. We had a TV so we'd watch movies on occasion, but mostly we really spent a lot of time talking that first year. Looking back I'm really grateful for all that time that was free'd up from not having that distraction!

sarah said...

I'm not married but what I cherish most about my live-in relationship with my bf is the little rituals we have, like going to bed at the same time, snuggling with each other every night, cooking dinner together, stuff like that. I would say - develop little things that you two do regularly together.

Phil said...

Be prepared to put the relationship ahead of yourself. If you've made it this far, you probably already know that, but marriage takes these things to a new level. At least, I assume it does... never been married myself... don't really know what I'm talking about...

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