Full of light

I snapped this photo last Saturday just before Neil and I went out to dinner. I love it because it captures just how I feel these days: happy. Content. Full of light and invigorated by life.

It feels a little silly to blog when I have nothing to say other than "I am so much happier than I have been in years and years and years," but that's the truth.

Tonight I was at a flower & garden show with a friend. We had such a good time just wandering around looking at things and chatting. At one point we had stopped by a booth that was making customized orthotics, and we were talking about foot issues and she asked if I was training for anything right now, and I said I'd originally been training for a marathon but had to drop down to the half because of plantar fasciitis. We talked a little more about the time commitment involved in marathon training, and as we were talking I realized something--for the first time in years I am not using running as a method of control. I mean, I ran a marathon with a stress fracture, for crying out loud! And I am so happy and so content in my life right now that running is ancillary to my happiness, and I have not been able to say that since 2007.

Literally.

For so many years I felt like so many things in my life were out of my control--that I was suspended in limbo, unable to progress forward. And in the last five months I have felt absolutely drenched in the outpouring of heaven's blessings--literally, I have felt that there is not room enough to receive all that the Lord has given us. I am so incredibly grateful for the amazing friends that surround us here and the way I have just fallen in love with our life here.

I'm going to write that again because I can't emphasize it enough--I am so, so, so grateful for the friends we are making here. I don't think it is possible to feel more welcomed and loved than I have felt.

And my children are thriving. Really and truly thriving. We had a few very rocky months but we're coming through and things are SO good for everyone.

Neil is loving his new job. He feels valued and appreciated & that his work is measurably contributing to the company's success. Such a blessing after the last twelve years of entirely opposite treatment!!! (I really can't write much about that here but most of you probably know what I want to say.)

And I love our home here so much. Every day I just look around and I'm filled with such gratitude that we live here in this beautiful home and that we are able to do projects that make me love it even more (in the last two weeks we installed new double ovens and a Jenn-Air gas commercial-style gas cooktop and ALL THE HEART EYES).

I love our ward here. I love that my children are excited to go to church and that they are learning so much from so many good people. I love love love my calling and the chance to serve with the amazing women in the presidency and our absolutely fantastic group of Primary workers.

I love the library with its heirloom seed library and its child-sized door for storytime and its endless rows of books that make it double the size of any library I've been in before. I love the arts & design district which is always the high point of my runs and I love the trails along the river and the greenway that is full of friendly runners and the roundabouts that drove me nuts at first but now I can't live without them. I love the Christmas lights that are still up on the fountains and pine trees in the center of the roundabouts. I love that my kids can bike to school or to the playground and that there are always kids out playing tennis in the street or biking or starting up a game of baseball. I love the funny weekly paper that always gives me info about what exciting things are going on. I love the parks with their inventive play structures and free maple sugar bush tours (hello that was the best morning ever!!!). I love the schools that give my kids the opportunity to study violin and foreign languages and STEM and ceramics. I love seeing Isaac's excitement when I pick him up from programming club and Abigail's joy after rocketry club. I love that the soccer fields and baseball fields are both within biking distance from our house. I love the ponds and creeks everywhere--it seems like I can always hear the sound of water. I love the proximity to Costco and Trader Joe's and IKEA and Whole Foods and Hobby Lobby--this is the first time in more than a decade that I can be at a Target in five minutes instead of twenty-five! I love our fantastic piano teacher and all our friendly welcoming dog-walking neighbors that my kids always refer to by name & pet as they walk by: "That's Melvin with the sausage dog." "There's Elaine with the frisky black dog." I love the friends who show up at my door with soup when I have the flu and the friends who drive carpool with me and the friends who worry about class changes for next year with me and the friends who lovingly describe pie recipes while we run at 6 am and the friends who stay at my house until 11 pm and tell me we feel like family and the friends who tell my kids they can't just eat tortilla chips for dinner and the friends who drop by to chat & clean my kitchen while they're at it and the friends who invite me for movie nights and the friends who have us over for dinner because they have lots of kids too and don't mind the crazy and the friends who trade playdates with me and text me for spontaneous double date nights and the friends who just text me to see how the day is going and if I want to meet up at a park.

I love it here.

There were so many dark years in West Lafayette where I honestly did not know if I would survive. If our marriage would survive. If my faith would survive. I clung so desperately to the promises I had felt and the peace I had felt when we originally prayed about our choice to attend Purdue for graduate school. I reminded myself over and over of the words of our stake president in blessings that he gave Neil & me during our last years there--that this was where the Lord wanted us; that he was mindful of our family, and that this was all for a wise purpose in him.

And I am so overwhelmed with joy and gratitude to see that purpose now. To know that had Neil not been forced to switch research topics after six years that this job would not have been possible. That had he not been delayed over and over by equipment failures, by funding losses, by research obstacles, that this field would not have been an area of extreme priority for his current employer. That had his funding continued as we had originally planned he would never have been assigned to the research opportunity that introduced him to his employer; that had his funding not completely run out and he literally worked for almost a year for no salary...this job would never have worked out in the way it did. That we would never have experienced the richness of happiness that we are enjoying now.

And I am so grateful for the fact that during all those years I was able to work. When Neil and I were married, my plan was to go to law school, and as I was proceeding with my application and preparation for the LSAT, it was very very very clear to me that law was not the Lord's plan for me, and that I was supposed to pursue a master's in English instead. I was absolutely ENRAGED by this (I vividly remember throwing everything within reach when I got up from that prayer), but my master's program gave me the training and education that has provided for our family so that we never had to take out student loans. We definitely lived on a student budget (and man did I love ordering furniture for our new home over the last few months!) but we always had enough for our needs and some of our wants. Such tremendous blessings and I can so clearly see the hand of the Lord guiding us here over the last fifteen years.

I just really hope that we get to stay put for awhile. ;-)

Last but not least, I have thought of this talk so, so, so, so, so many times over the last years. Neil and I used to listen to it a lot the first few years that we were married--we would go for a drive up in the mountains and turn this on. So frequently I would be praying and just pleading with the Lord to help me make it through another day and I would hear "I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be."

So I hope this helps someone else the way it has helped me.

"Could I tell you just a quick story out of my own experience in life? Sixty-odd years ago I was on a farm in Canada. I had purchased the farm from another who had been somewhat careless in keeping it up. I went out one morning and found a currant bush that was at least six feet high. I knew that it was going all to wood. There was no sign of blossom or of fruit. I had had some experience in pruning trees before we left Salt Lake to go to Canada, as my father had a fruit farm. So I got my pruning shears and went to work on that currant bush, and I clipped it and cut it and cut it down until there was nothing left but a little clump of stumps.

And as I looked at them, I yielded to an impulse, which I often have, to talk with inanimate things and have them talk to me. It’s a ridiculous habit. It’s one I can’t overcome. As I looked at this little clump of stumps, there seemed to be a tear on each one, and I said, “What’s the matter, currant bush? What are you crying about?”

And I thought I heard that currant bush speak. It seemed to say, “How could you do this to me? I was making such wonderful growth. I was almost as large as the fruit tree and the shade tree, and now you have cut me down. And all in the garden will look upon me with contempt and pity. How could you do it? I thought you were the gardener here.”

I thought I heard that from the currant bush. I thought it so much that I answered it.

I said, “Look, little currant bush, I am the gardener here, and I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. But someday, when you are laden with fruit, you are going to think back and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

Ten years passed, and I found myself in Europe. I had made some progress in the First World War in the Canadian army. In fact, I was a field officer, and there was only one man between me and the rank of general, which I had cherished in my heart for years. Then he became a casualty. And the day after, I received a telegram from London from General Turner, who was in charge of all Canadian officers. The telegram said, “Be in my office tomorrow morning at ten o’clock.”

I puffed up. I called my special servant. (We called them “batmen” over there.) I said, “Polish my boots and my buttons. Make me look like a general, because I am going up tomorrow to be appointed.”

He did the best he could with what he had to work on, and I went to London. I walked into the office of the general. I saluted him smartly, and he replied to my salute as higher officers usually do to juniors—sort of a “Get out of the way, worm.” Then he said, “Sit down, Brown.”

I was deflated. I sat down. And he said, “Brown, you are entitled to this promotion, but I cannot make it. You have qualified and passed the regulations, you have had the experience, and you are entitled to it in every way, but I cannot make this appointment.”

Just then he went into the other room to answer a phone call, and I did what most every officer and man in the army would do under those circumstances: I looked over on his desk to see what my personal history sheet showed. And I saw written on the bottom of that history sheet in large capital letters: “THIS MAN IS A MORMON.”

Now at that time we were hated heartily in Britain, and I knew why he couldn’t make the appointment. Finally he came back and said, “That’s all, Brown.”

I saluted him, less heartily than before, and went out. On my way back to Shorncliffe, 120 kilometers away, I thought every turn of the wheels that clacked across the rails was saying, “You’re a failure. You must go home and be called a coward by those who do not understand.”

And bitterness rose in my heart until I arrived, finally, in my tent, and I rather vigorously threw my cap on the cot, together with my Sam Browne belt. I clenched my fist, and I shook it at heaven, and I said, “How could you do this to me, God? I’ve done everything that I knew how to do to uphold the standards of the Church. I was making such wonderful growth, and now you’ve cut me down. How could you do it?”

And then I heard a voice. It sounded like my own voice, and the voice said, “I am the gardener here. I know what I want you to be. If I let you go the way you want to go, you will never amount to anything. And someday, when you are ripened in life, you are going to shout back across the time and say, ‘Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.’”

Those words—which I recognize now as my words to the currant bush and that had become God’s word to me—drove me to my knees, where I prayed for forgiveness for my arrogance and my ambition.

As I was praying there, I heard some Mormon boys in an adjoining tent singing the closing number to an M.I.A. session, which I usually attended with them. And I recognized these words, which all of you have memorized:

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea;
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me;
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.
. . .
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere;
I’ll be what you want me to be.
[“It May Not Be on the Mountain Height,” Hymns,1948, no. 75]

My young friends and brothers and sisters, will you remember that little experience that changed my whole life? Had the Gardener not taken control and done for me what was best for me, or if I had gone the way I wanted to go, I would have returned to Canada as a senior commanding officer of western Canada. I would have raised my family in a barracks. My six daughters would have had little chance to marry in the Church. I myself would probably have gone down and down. I do not know what might have happened, but this I know, and this I say to you and to Him in your presence, looking back over sixty years: “Thank you, Mr. Gardener, for cutting me down.”

--Hugh B Brown, "God Is the Gardener"

Kids & Chores

One of the super-fun parts of being a parent is turning feral barbarians into functioning (hopefully pleasant) members of society.

Sometimes it is not so fun.

But! But!

Sometimes you have a nice little moment where you're like, yes! Fruits of my labors!

This afternoon when the kids came home from school, the girls had worked crazy hard before school and on the way home to get the majority of their post-school stuff done (piano, homework, etc.). Then they whizzed through their remaining list items and booked it outside into the heavenly March weather.

Isaac, on the other hand, was stuck inside folding his laundry, which was the consequence of his ten-minute tantrum this morning about having to get a pair of jeans out of the laundry because he didn't have any clean pants, and having to wear "dirty" (as in they had touched his body for five minutes the previous day) pants to school after starting his laundry before he left (this is my child who routinely puts matched & folded socks in the washer rather than put them away, so I have no sympathy for his plight).

Anyway, I told him that before he could play, he needed to fold and put away his laundry, and then endured listening to him grumble and whine about it the entire time ("Mom, I bet GRANDPA just jams his clothes into his drawers and doesn't fold them, because he knows what a waste of time it is!" Note: my dad is king of the crisply-ironed-to-perfection shirt). And then he finished and the weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth battle moved on to homework. Which is yet another procrastination fun time, as it always seems to be for the first-grade set.

Later that night after dinner the girls both happened to be on the post-dinner jobs rotation (the boys had the before-dinner jobs). Jules cleared and wiped the table without missing a beat, then swept the kitchen and asked if there was anything else she could do. Meanwhile, Abigail had washed all the dishes, dried the pots & pans, and wiped down the counters. I seriously did not do a thing to help--they were total rock stars (and I'm not throwing Neil under the bus--he was still at work). And then Abigail reminded me that she had switched bathroom-cleaning days with one of the younger kids, and that she'd remembered and already done it that evening.

And I thought, hallelujah, this is why we persevere through and stick with it and keep going! Pretty sure all of my kids have been convinced at one time or another that they might actually die if they sweep the floor properly (and believe you me, we have had some major battles over whether or not the stuff on the floor is actually visible and can be swept with the broom if one is not a superhero blessed with laser vision, and the first few times of sweeping the floor usually means a good hour and six or seven rounds of "Honey, you didn't sweep over there...please go back and do it again...").

But anyway, the point of this very long rambling post is to say that a) it is a total nightmare training your kids to do things properly but b) it is SO WORTH IT. And now I will come back and reread this to remind myself the next time someone flails on the floor at my feet and declares dramatically that yes THEY WILL DIE if I insist that they sweep the floor, or dry the dishes, or pack their lunch...etc. etc.

(And my girls are pretty darn awesome.)

Foodie Friday back from a very long hiatus: Thai peanut soba noodles with stir-fried vegetables

image

Most days I consider dinner a wild success if two out of my five children will eat it happily. Earlier this week, I sat down to sheer magic: all five of my kids gobbled up their dinner and asked when we could have it again. Of course, it was one of those ones that I'd just made up as I went along, so Neil told me to write it down right then before I forgot the proportions and could never again recreate it! So here it is--feel free to adjust the veggies according to your own preferences, but don't skip out on the soba noodles or delicious sauce! I had the leftovers for lunch the next day and it was even more mouth-watering (in fact, as I was eating it all the kids asked if we could have it again that night).

Thai peanut soba noodles with stir-fried veggies

Ingredients:
2 packages (and by this I mean those banded portions as shown in the photo) Japanese soba (buckwheat) noodles

3 large carrots, sliced into rounds

2 cups broccoli florets

1/2 red onion, sliced paper-thin

6-8 button mushrooms, sliced

1 T. fresh minced ginger

2 T. coconut oil
1 cooked chicken breast or extra-firm tofu, if you want extra protein--I had roasted some chicken earlier in the week so I sliced it up and mixed it in (roast unfrozen breasts at 350 for 30 minutes...so moist and delicious! I don't bother adding any seasoning. If you're using tofu, press it between two cutting boards weighted with something heavy--I use mixing bowls--for about 30 minutes and then cook it so it gets a sort of crunchy brown coating on the outside. Sometimes I just eat it plain & uncooked but I know that's weird.)

**This is just what I had on hand--things like zucchini, snow peas, and mung bean sprouts would all have gone in had they been available!

Garnishes:
Grated coconut

Peanuts
Chopped cilantro (1/4 c. or so--I love cilantro!)

Sauce:1/2 c. natural peanut butter

1 T. agave nectar

1.5-2 T. Thai Kitchen green curry paste

enough milk to thin it into a slurry--I used whole milk but coconut milk would be preferable!

Preparation

1) Prep all of the vegetables before beginning--this will cook quickly so you'll want to have everything ready to go!

2) Cook the soba noodles according to the package directions, then rinse in cool water so the noodles are no longer hot.

3) Melt the coconut oil in a large frying pan or wok. Stir-fry the red onion and ginger together for 3-4 minutes, then add mushrooms. Stir-fry for another 2 minutes, then add carrots and broccoli for an addition 3 minutes.

4) Pour the sauce over the vegetables and stir to coat thoroughly, then add the vegetables to the cooled noodles. Garnish with cilantro and serve with coconut and peanuts so that each diner can add them according to taste--yum yum!


P.S. Remember when I actually used to blog about food? Yeah, me too. You can find past Foodie Fridays by clicking on the label at the bottom of this post, or go to my sadly neglected recipe blog here.

Goodness in the world

Lately my heart has been overflowing with gratitude for my life and all of the good things and people in it. Everywhere I look I am able to see the beauty in my world and I am so grateful for that, because there have been so many dark days this past year! And as I'm coming back into the light I am just overwhelmed by all of the good that there is surrounding me. I've caught myself multiple times in the last few days getting all choked up over something completely commonplace--yesterday it was seeing Juliet help Isaac to combine his agave nectar-peanut butter mix so he could more easily make himself a sandwich.

And my heart is especially full this week because we're coming up on the birthdays of my oldest and youngest children. It's bittersweet for me. I am so thrilled by all of the progress that they both have made in the recent past--Abigail is becoming my right hand, my friend, and just the sweetest little darling I could ever ask for. She is maturing into this responsible, humorous, and compassionate young lady and I am so awed every day by how much she is changing and growing.

And Nathan--my dear little boy--is finally starting to drink of his own iniative. Such a small thing in the grand scheme of things, but so huge in our lives! A comment Isaac made today testifies to how remarkable and exciting this is for us--he walked through the kitchen and stopped transfixed and said, "MOM! LOOK! Natie is picking up his cup in his own two hands and he is drinking, Mommy, he is drinking!! All by himself!"

And indeed he was. It seems to be getting easier to persuade him to drink and we are so grateful!!!

Another thing I am really enjoying these days is seeing the similarities between my husband and my children. We inherited an enormous set of K'nex building toys and the five of them (the four oldest kids and Neil) have built some really impressive stuff. Isaac and Abigail in particular are very into K'nex and have built some cool motorized dinosaur models (which actually walk across the floor) and various vehicles. The Ferris wheel & rolling ball machine (both of which are powered by a small motor and do work) are our favorites so far. Right now they are working on a roller coaster.

 Some days I look around my messy house with its skiff of toys and books and laundry and I wish so much that we were done with school and moving on to our "someday house" (which of course will be perfectly clean and always organized!). But really, I love my little house so dearly. I am almost done with all of the painting and I feel like it finally reflects my taste now rather than my taste eight years ago. I am particularly fond of the new armchairs flanking the fireplace--we had the papasan chairs since the year we were married and they lost their appeal about eight years ago when I realized that they spent all of their time taken apart and lying around the living room while the kids played with them. I hated always getting after the kids to leave the papasans alone or to pick them up and I cannot even tell you how amazingly happy I was to give them away to a new home! I practically skipped on my way back inside after helping to load them up. And I've been searching for the perfect armchair for about two years and I am so in love with these gray linen tufted beauties and their nailhead trim. Have I set my heart a bit too much on material things? Quite possibly when it comes to how much I love those chairs.

 And the white cabinets and gray walls were worth every single second of the time it took to convert them from the red walls and builder-basic oak cabinets. The afternoon sunshine fills the kitchen when I'm making dinner and just makes it the happiest, sunshiniest most beautiful place to be. It's so nice to passionately love a room where I spend so much of my time.

 I overheard the girls on March 31st discussing what pranks we might play on them the next day for April Fool's. I have never really done much to celebrate April Fool's day but I wanted to make it fun for them since they were so excited about it--so I got online to get a few ideas and then spent an hour or so setting up about ten pranks. My personal favorites were the Jell-O in juice cups (Luke's reaction was priceless), the socks that were sewed shut at the ankles, and the pillow barrage that toppled down from their bedroom doors in the morning. They were also pretty entertained by the paper mustaches that I added to our family pictures; Juliet was less entranced by the (washable marker) mustache adorning her own face. Isaac, as you can see below, left his on all day.

 And last but not least, a few things that have made me think, "Oh, what a wonderful world!":

1) Selling our cantilevered umbrella (thanks, Craigslist) for just about the cost of the chicken coop materials.
2) A quick evening run to the library by myself and coming home with SO many books on topics that fascinate me & I'd been wanting to do a little more research...literally so many books that I had to borrow a library cart to get them all to the checkout desk (I couldn't physically carry them all even in my bags!).
3) Plants! I am so much happier with live greenery and flowers in my home. A few weeks ago I bought myself some flowers at the grocery store. Just as they were starting to look tired my visiting teacher stopped by with a beautiful bunch of purple tulips. When the tulips began dropping their petals, Neil surprised me with a gorgeous potted lily. And a few days later, my dear friend Jen brought me some potted cuttings from her aloe vera--all the way from Arizona!!--on a morning when I had literally been thinking that very day about tracking down an aloe vera plant for my kitchen.
4) Listening to Abigail pray last night at family prayer. So incredibly heartfelt, specific towards the needs of our family and extended family, and really taking the time to ponder and think as she was speaking.
5) Yesterday the boys and I mixed up some homemade playdough. Normally it's banned from our house (I hate the mess!) but this recipe seems way less prone to crumbly stickiness than does the storebought kind. It has been the source of much joy over the last 48 hours.
6) I quietly supervised yesterday while Abigail and Isaac made a batch of homemade instant oatmeal. They did a great job and happily ate the fruits of their labor this morning before I was out of bed (another win!).
7) I'm finally feeling enough like "myself" to start doing things again that I eliminated because of stress but have missed nonetheless: composting, cloth-diapering, and cheese-making. None of which are vital to my life but all of which add something intangible that makes me feel more content with the status quo (okay, the cheese is pretty dang good).
8) I expected the marathon recovery to be really awful. I was definitely stiff for a couple of days, but I ran 2 miles yesterday and it helped so much with the soreness that I ran 4 miles today. Now I just need a new goal to work towards!
9) My little lettuces are up! I love seeing those little green shoots every morning and evening as I walk quietly out to visit the chickens. It's rapidly becoming one of my favorite parts of the day.
10) I am so blessed in my marriage. Did Neil want chickens? Not particularly, but he knew how much I did & how long I'd been reading up on them and thinking about them and so he supported our endeavor and threw himself into it whole-heartedly (he did nix a couple of other suggestions about our urban homestead--and wisely so!). He is definitely the voice of reason in our relationship (I am all to prone to passionately commit myself to something new without fully considering the ramifications) but he is so supportive and logically helps me find a way to achieve my goals.

And last but not least, I hung the salt-dough Easter ornaments that we made last year. I love looking out and seeing these bright little flashes of color twirling against the sky.

Marathon!

You guys! I did it! I am officially a marathoner!

Neil and I drove down for the race on Friday night, since there was only packet pickup the night before (!!). My parents were SO kind and offered to watch our kids so that he could be there with me, and I was so grateful! It was so so good to have Neil there with me supporting me and running interference on things.  Anyway, I was getting so nervous the night before the race—I had an awful stomachache, headache, and felt like I was going to throw up all night. I didn’t sleep very well (which is a shame because we had a beautiful and HUGE suite) and woke up an hour before I needed to in the morning.

Neil drove me to the starting line and I found the 4:10 pace group and lined up with them. I wanted to run it in less than 10-minute miles so I didn’t want to go with the 4:25 pace group. Frankly I was hoping to be way faster when I originally started training (my half-marathon time would have predicted a 3:50 finish) but I have been sick through so much of training that I have really struggled to go quickly—if I go under 8:45/mile I start coughing like mad and can’t stop—thanks to the double-header combination of bronchitis and strep midway through training. And, quite frankly, I haven’t been as careful about what I’m eating as I should be and so I’m not at an ideal racing weight.

Anyway, I LOVED running with the pace group! The two pacers were so incredibly friendly and really worked to create a sense of community within the five or so of us that were running with them. We had other people sort of ebbing and flowing and it was nice to talk to them as well, but there was a sort of core group that stuck together for most of the race. I spent about fifteen miles talking with another woman (we had the same first and last name!) and we got to be good buddies over the course of several hours! One thing I really liked so that our pacers insisted that we walk through all of the water stops to make sure we got enough water (it was pretty hot by the end of the day and I started taking one cup of water to drink and another to pour over my head) and then they would check to make sure everyone was there before we started running again. After about fifteen or sixteen miles I was so looking forward to those walking breaks! It really helped me mentally to know that I could walk for those ten or so steps as long as I just made it to the water stop, and I was able to avoid walking anywhere else on the course, which made me feel pretty good. It’s always nice for my internal motivation to be running past people who are walking up the hills or whatnot. 

Mile 22--I was super focused on never letting this girl catch up!

Another thing I loved about the pace group was the ability to maintain a steady speed without having to worry about it myself. When we first started off it (of course) felt way too slow and it was really good for me to have someone telling me to hold back (and then of course we passed all of the people who sprinted out). I loved not having to constantly check to see how fast I was going and worry about whether I should speed up or slow down—I just kept pace with my new friends! And it was so good to have people to talk to—we were literally about eight or nine miles into the race before I started paying attention to how far we’d gone.  

I felt really good for the first fifteen miles or so. After that it started to get incredibly windy and we were pushing against the wind the whole time. I dropped back a bit and focused on catching up to the pacing group at waterstops—that took me through miles 18-20. Unfortunately, those miles were easily the windiest of the whole course—we were running along a straight road with no trees lined with giant buildings and so the wind just funneled right down it pushing us backwards. It was sooooo exhausting! I finally decided that I would just run at my own speed and not worry about staying with the pacing group. I dropped down from 9:30 miles to about 11-minute miles, but by that point I was just thrilled to still be running past all of the people walking with their heads bent against the wind. I was worried about hitting the notorious wall but I never did—I was so thankful! I definitely slowed down but I just kept on going and let my legs go at the pace where they were comfortable rather than trying to push it too hard.

The last six miles were kind of unpleasantly hilly. By this point it was quite hot and still really windy! Neil caught up to me about mile 22 and biked alongside me off and on for the next three miles. It was so good to have him with me talking to me and giving me something else to focus on. And it was also nice because he had cold water instead of the awful lukewarm stuff at the last aid station.  He peeled off at mile 25 so that he could meet me at the finish line and that’s when I realized it was a 3/4-mile looong uphill all the way to the finish—and the wind was back! I seriously felt like I was taking two steps backward for every step forward.  I just kept going and plugging away—I passed a LOT of people on that last uphill—and I was so grateful for all of the people cheering there because I focused on saying, “Thank you! Thanks for being here!” instead of mentally griping about the awful wind and hill. And then it was downhill to the finish line for the last two-tenths of a mile! It was so exciting and I felt great as I finished—I think I raised my arms and cheered as I was running downhill.  The two pacers from my pacing group were waiting at the finish line and they hugged me and congratulated me and pointed out where Neil was waiting on the sidelines. 

It was a great experience. I definitely was more worn out by the end than I was hoping to be and slowed down more than I was planning to, but I felt like it was a good decision with the heat, wind, and hills. I was most worried about hitting the notorious wall and I never did—I just kept plugging away with my same slow and steady pace. I was passing people all through the last six miles of the race and that felt great. And I was so, so, so grateful that Neil was there—he biked around and met up with me every so often and handed me a couple of Kashi bars, took my jacket, and had water when I needed it most. It was so great to have his support.

I think the hardest part of the race for me was miles 17-19. I still had a long way to go and pushing against that wind was miserable! By the time I made it to 20 I knew I was getting close, and once I hit 22 I felt great—I knew I had it in the bag with only 4.2 miles left and I’d gone past the dreaded 20-mile mark without hitting the wall. I made sure to walk around a lot after the race and even stopped in the massage tent, and so far I feel pretty good! Definitely stiff but not in horrible pain (although I did take a healthy dose of ibuprofen before I fell asleep last night).

All in all, it was amazing. It was so good to be able to finish something that I have been working on for SO long and was such a huge deal! I am so grateful for all of the people who made it possible—I still kind of can’t believe that I ran a marathon!! My final time was 4:17:55, so I came in under my goal time and still have lots of room for improvement if I decide to do another one some day.:-)

Lucky us!!

When we bought our home, I didn't really look much at the school district, since I figured we'd be gone before our children started school (hah!).  I sort of vaguely knew that it was supposed to be good, but I was only thinking about it in terms of resale value.

Fast forward a few years and my children's elementary school is suddenly SO important in our lives! Fortunately, we have an amazing amazing amazing school with fabulous teachers (it's even a federally recognized Blue Ribbon School).  I cannot even tell you how much I love our elementary school, and how grateful I am for the wonderful teachers who have been so influential in my children's lives.  (Seriously. They are out of this world.)  Did I mention that I love their teachers?

And incidentally, one of the (many) cool things about our school is that it has 2 courtyards that the students regularly use (Abigail's first-grade class often had writer's workshop time out by the lily pond).  The photos in this post are all taken in the outdoor classroom.

The school that my older two children currently attend (Isaac's preschool is equally amazing and I love his teachers dearly, who also taught Juliet, but that's another post) is a really cool melting pot.  Last time I checked, it had students from 45 countries, many of whom are here for a few years while their parents complete graduate degrees.  There are 1060 students in the elementary school (it's the biggest in the district, if I recall correctly), and about 50% of them are in families whose income falls below the federal poverty level (hello, graduate students!).  One thing that's pretty neat is that a lot of the students are either the children of professors or graduate students, so education is a top priority for many of the parents (sadly, that's not always the case, but I've been really impressed by so many of the parents that I've met & worked with in the classrooms).  And they have a fabulous principal--he knows all of the kids by name and enthusiastically greets me by name as well (probably because I have a horrible habit of jamming the copiers so he knows to watch out for me).  Both of my children's classes had lunch with the principal & the vice-principal in the past two weeks, and many times when I've been working in my children's classrooms or attending a classroom event, one or both of the principals is there.  And of course, I am still so amazed and grateful that the school has dedicated high-ability classes that both push the kiddos and make learning fantastically fun (i.e. for their economics unit they've been helping to run the school book fair).



Abigail's class has been studying the moon for the past month or so--she's been keeping a journal every night where she draws & describes the position and appearance of the moon.  One of the atmospheric science professors from the university came in to talk to the class (his son is in her class) about the moon as well, and they wound up the unit with a moon-viewing party for students & families.  (Okay, I don't know about you, but my elementary school experience was not like this at all.  Did I mention that today Juliet attended a play at the university for a class field trip?)

They had a half or dozen or so telescopes set up and focused on the moon--you could just wander up and check it out whenever you felt like it.  It was really neat to use the various telescopes to see particular features.  I seriously loved it!  (Abigail, Isaac, and I were the only ones who went; we didn't stay super long because we wanted to get back to visit with Neil's parents, who were briefly stopping by on their way to begin their second full-time church mission.)

And since all fun parties have fun treats, the teachers had kept going with the moon theme--there were Moon Pies, Milky Ways, and--such a great idea--a whole bunch of sugar cookies that the students had coated with various amounts of frosting to represent the phases of the moon.  

As we were driving home Abigail told me that she will miss her school most of all once we graduate, and I had to agree whole-heartedly.  We have been so, so, so blessed in our time here, and I am and will be eternally grateful to the amazing opportunities and teachers my children have had thus far.

(And this really has nothing to do with the post at all, but I was thinking today about how mature Abigail's getting these days--she made a batch of lemon bars all by herself after school--and tonight I wore a pink velvet blazer that I would never have dared to buy on my own, but she was with me and talked me into it, and then told me several times how much she liked it tonight. So fun to be with this kiddo!)

Blissful morning

We had one of those fabulous all-too-rare mornings today (you know, the ones where you have no commitments and everyone is more or less healthy and the house is clean enough that you can ignore it).  We spent most of the morning playing games and reading stories, and then Juliet asked if we could do yoga, and the kids were so cute and darling that I got out the camera. Juliet kept going for almost an hour but Isaac eventually decided that books and games were more interesting... 

She always makes this face in warrior pose and it totally cracks me up.

Luke is suddenly this big boy--he can sit, scoot, and sprouted a tooth sometime in the middle of the night last night (it was actually the first time in four children that I thought, "This is so awful that he must be teething..." and sure enough, there was a little tooth poking out through his poor gums!).

Juliet is so beautiful.  I love her little face and her curls and her beautiful hazel eyes.

And since I may not post again before the day itself, happy Thanksgiving!!

victory!!

Last week I was really dreading this week.  Not that it was full of awful things, but it was just a VERY full week and I knew I was going to have to be functioning at 150% to get through it. 

We're halfway done!  Tonight I finished up the last of my project grading (hurray, hurray, jubilant dance of extreme joy) and started on all the "regular" grading this week:  reading responses, project proposals, and discussion postings.  I'm completely caught up now with everything that has been posted, which is great.  I also ran my 4 miles, taught the *Laurels how to make homemade mozzarella, and (this might be my biggest accomplishment all day) actually made a dinner that everyone liked:  broiled lemon salmon with broccoli and raisin cous-cous. 

So now that I type this out I realize it doesn't sound that impressive, but with a couple of kids that are still sick and all the regular "mom" things I do, I feel like I'm climbing mountains on days like this!  Funny how that perception of daily accomplishment changes once you move into the demographic of walking down the street = stopping to inspect each clump of grass, rocks, and dirt and agreeing that yes, that is indeed a nice "wok" and look, there's a "tweet tweet" in the sky!


*"Laurels" refers to the 16-17 year old girls in our church  I should also note that I was really nervous about this not working, and then right when I started in on the demonstration I realized I had ultra-pastuerized milk, which means that the cheese is practically guaranteed not to work.  I did some very fervent praying while I was staring into that stockpot full of non-curdling milk and miraculously it turned itself into cheese.  Not perfectly, but well enough for my purposes.  And it was still tasty!

the brighter side

Today was a really weird day.  All day long I was torn between thinking, "This is HORRIBLE!" and "This could be so much worse."

For instance.  I woke up feeling awful.  Dizziness, sore throat, pounding headache.  Horrible, right?  But Neil got up and let me sleep in for another two hours (Isaac woke up crazy early) while he fed everyone and got the morning routine going.

And then I was griping in my head all day about it being daylight savings time.  Oh, woe is me!  My children are going to be off-schedule!  But Isaac was really sick.  And he fell asleep in the car on the way home from taking Abigail to school at what would normally be 11:45, but what was 12:45 today.  (And then he fell asleep on my shoulder when I carried him in, woke up when I laid him on the floor to change his diaper and said, "Mamama" very feebly, and was asleep when I got back with the diaper, slept all through his diaper change, said "Mamamamama" when I picked him up, and was asleep before I got him into his crib.)  And daylight savings time was a boon, because otherwise he would have been asleep when Abigail needed to be driven to school.

I felt lousy when I was running--still dizzy and that sense of an impending cold.  But I took an extra couple of water breaks, and Juliet listened to the Charlotte's Web audiotapes we picked up at the library sale on Saturday, and she was happy even though I spent longer on the treadmill than I usually do.  And I felt a lot better when I was done. 

We went into the pediatrician's this afternoon.  And waited for a full hour before we saw the doctor.  Long, long, long wait.  The kids in the room next to us were screaming and beating on the walls, and I thought my head was going to explode.  But then I thought, "Those children are not MY children, and even if they are loud, I don't have to discipline or entertain them."  And I watched Juliet and Isaac wash their hands for the thousandth time and counted my little blessings that they were content to do that.  And that I was able to get the last appointment of the day in time to get medication for Isaac's double ear and double eye infections (poor, poor, poor baby).  And that it was spring break, so Neil didn't have to teach any labs, and he could come home and get Abigail off the bus so that I could actually snag that last appointment.

And when I was driving home today and thinking frantically about what I was going to do for dinner because it was already 5:20 and everyone was hungry, I realized that I had three things:  a package of frozen tortellini, a jar of spaghetti sauce, and a bag of spinach.  Dinner.  Voila.  Everyone was happy.

So.  It was not the best of days.  But really, can I just say that I felt like it was the best possible given what we started with?  I'm ending the day with a profound sense of gratitude. 

a jumble

Things that have made me happy lately:

• Our little advent chain.  So far it's managed to remain fun without being stressful (tip I picked up in Abigail's kindergarten class--gingerbread houses are way more fun for the small fry if you hot-glue the bases together rather than using icing.  No tipping!  No cracking!  No roofs giving way to an overabundance of candies!  We used icing to stick on the candies, but that hot glue sure made a difference in the amount of tears and frantic "My house is BREAKING!" cries).
• Last night I had a few friends over to swap bread recipes (I made this one) and baking wisdom.  We munched on each other's whole-wheat bread, trading what bits of wisdom we had to share about gluten formation and storing freshly-milled wheat flour.  Neil had lit a fire earlier and the whole house was so snug and cozy.  We finished the evening off with mugs of homemade hot chocolate.  It was lovely to just relax and chat with friends--the day had been rather frantic, and I felt so rejuvenated after just a few hours away from my normal busyness and worries. 
• Speaking of bread, one of my goals has been to phase out buying bread products at the grocery store.  I love baking--it's one of my very favorite things to do--so why do I always end up in the bread aisle?  Up until now, it's been for two things:  1) bagels and 2) sandwich bread that doesn't go all crumbly in a packed lunch.  Thanks to Kayli, I have been experimenting like crazy with this bagel recipe and I got some great ideas last night about keeping my homemade bread fresher longer.  
• When everyone had gone home last night, Neil and I ended up in the living room in front of the fire.  He drank the rest of the hot chocolate, I lay on the sheepskin rug and dreamily watched the flames dance and flicker.  I looked up at the stockings and thought about how Neil had driven in an extra nail that night for the new little stocking that will be hanging there next Christmas.  I lay there with my head pillowed on Neil's arm while we talked for hours (we went to bed reeeaaally late because we lost track of time).  Every so often I felt a little fluttering kick from the baby.  Snow started falling outside.  It was lovely.  I cherish time like that with Neil--it doesn't seem to happen nearly as often as it should, but it's lovely when it does. 
• So...when I got up this morning, I was really tired because I stayed up so late last night. After Neil left for work, the kids and I sat in our pajamas finishing a very leisurely breakfast.  Isaac, who has been feverish for a couple of days, wanted to snuggle in my lap.  He cuddled down against my shoulder, put his hands in one of mine, and then closed my hand around his.  I sat there enjoying the moment and luxuriating in the fact that my children are still so young that we can have these lovely slow-paced days.  
• Speaking of children, the other day Abigail (who is a bit of a dramatic) dropped a celery bag on the floor.  She asked Juliet to pick it up for her, since Abigail was standing on a chair at the counter helping me make dinner.  And then she re-bagged the celery, looked down at Juliet with a very woeful face, and said, "Oh Juliet, can you please put this back in the 'fridge for me?  If I have to get down from this chair, I'm afraid it would be a long and terrible journey."  Oh, funny kid.

heigh-ho, home again

I think the life lesson that I'm supposed to be learning is to just enjoy the way things are, rather than looking forward to a nebulous future when somehow everything will be calm, the children will be well-behaved 'round the clock, and I will feel well-rested, slender, and free from any ailment.

We went to my parents' home for Thanksgiving last week.  It was so lovely to see them, my grandparents, and my youngest sister.  I've been looking forward to those five days for weeks.  The older I get, the more my family becomes my best friends.

I had a lot of time to reflect on how grateful I was for family and loved ones over the week; I ended up spending about half the time curled up on the couch or in bed.  Despite feeling horrible, it was so nice to have people willing to play with my children, read them stories, and make me food when I actually felt like eating (translation:  there is not going to be any holiday weight gain.  So sad about all those much-anticipated apple pies I did not get to eat).  I did have a couple of days where I felt pretty good, which was lovely because Neil and I got to see the new Harry Potter movie and went running together twice.  It was so nice to be with him.

I'm trying to keep this feeling of being loved in mind today so that I can share it with my kiddos.  Jules started throwing up in the car on the way home yesterday and things have been quite exciting around our house this morning (the more so because we had absolutely no food, thanks to some not-so-good pre-vacation food planning).  Fortunately Neil was able to hold down the fort (and clean up after Jules) while I made a mad dash to the grocery store.

So my goal for today is to just make my children feel loved, and not to worry about everything else...for the moment.

little miracles

The last week has been frightening on the baby front.  After I saw my doctor on Wednesday, I started having some bleeding, and ended up taking it very easy the rest of the week (no running!)  The weekend was hard (I spent all day at church trying not to burst into tears whenever anyone asked me how I was doing, sometimes with less success than others).  This morning, things were much, much, much worse.  I spent the morning at the obstetrician's and the afternoon at the hospital.  In the midst of all the panic and scariness this morning, Neil gave me a blessing that the baby would go to full term, something that seemed very distant when the doctor was saying things like, "we need to find out how much of the placenta is gone"  and "I don't think it would rupture this early." 

Here is the miracle:  the previa is gone and everything is right where it should be.  The baby is perfect.  Everything has resolved itself, at a speed which surprised the doctors.  They aren't 100% sure what's happening right now (and I'm still on bedrest until the bleeding stops), but in another week, they're planning to lift all the restrictions.

And as a nice little added bonus, we now know, thanks to all the scans this morning, that it's a....

BOY!!!

Foodie Friday: Zucchini and tomato tian with Parmesan breadcrumbs

I know, I know.  I've been a real slouch about posting recipes lately.

My little sister Elise called me on Tuesday from Provo.  "I need the recipe for that zucchini and tomato thing you made," she said. 

I figured if a college student who had been back at school for less than 24 hours was making that request, I should probably post the recipe for everyone.

So here.  Enjoy.  It's really good.  I promise. 

So does Elise.

Foodie Friday: Zucchini stir-fry with coconut and basil

We've been eating zucchini for three weeks now in a variety of different ways:  steamed, baked, ratatouille, gratin, breads, etc.

A few days ago I thought it would be fun to do a stir-fry with some of the larger zucchini (you know, the ones that are tiny in the morning and you go out at the end of the day and they're ENORMOUS).  This was a clean-out-the-fridge dinner, so I planned to cook from whatever I had on hand that needed to be used up--so feel free to adjust as you please!  My version includes zucchini and yellow squash, peppers, onions, and pineapple gently simmered together in coconut milk, then topped with shredded coconut and chiffonaded basil.  (And yes, my little sister mocked me for my descriptions for the Foodie Friday meals.)  Recipe here. 

Best part about this dinner:  the kids were hanging around the kitchen saying, "What is that yummy smell?" (thank you, coconut milk).  And Abigail actually ate her entire dinner without complaining.  Which is a MAJOR victory.  In other words, I didn't think I made it look very appetizing in the picture, but it was very tasty.  :-)`

I realized that the last two Foodie Fridays have been zucchini-centric (mostly because hey, my garden is producing a lot!)  Would you prefer spiced zucchini-pineapple bread or blueberry lemon tea bread for next week's Foodie Friday? And if you're really looking to move some zucchini off your counter, try this ratatouille.

Foodie Friday: grilled zucchini and mushroom panini

Panini make a regular appearance in our home.  Crisp grilled breads, deliciously melted cheese, and savory grilled vegetables--what's not to love?  (In fact, a pesto-mozzarella-tomato panini was what inspired me to start a food blog!)

Panini combinations are endless and vary according to your personal tastes, but this one--grilled zucchini, mushroom-chive mayonnaise, and a hint of cheese--is a universal favorite in our home.  It comes together in just moments--go here for the recipe.

Foodie Friday: Dad's whole-wheat bread

The masses have spoken, and whole-wheat bread it is!!!  I am planning to post about the other topics in subsequent weeks, so don't worry if your favorite didn't win.  :-)

This is my favorite bread ever.  It's the one I remember eating all through my childhood, steaming hot and slathered with whipped honey (my dad is the baker I aspire to be someday).  I make it several times a week, and once a week we have a simple dinner of bread, fruit, and vegetables (roasted in winter, fresh in summer).  It is a meal that I know everyone in my family will greet happily and eat with gusto.  Which makes this bread practically worth its weight in gold.  Plus, it will make your house smell like heaven. 

I like it so hot that it bends in the center as you lift it to your mouth, but it's also lovely when it cools and makes fantastic toast (especially of the cinnamon-sugar variety!!)

Go here for the recipe.

Foodie Friday

I realized somewhere around mile 4.5 of my run this morning that I'd forgotten all about Foodie Friday this week.  Unfortunately, since I'm heading out to pick strawberries with the kids in the next ten minutes, I don't have time to write my normal post.

What I'd like to do, however, is ask you to vote on the poll (left sidebar) as to which topic you'd like to see next on Foodie Friday.  I'd really love these posts to be fun and enjoyable for you, dear readers, so please give me any feedback that will help me to better tailor these towards what will inspire you in the kitchen!  If there's another topic or dish or general genre that you'd especially like to see featured, please tell me in the comments section. 

Foodie Friday: grilled lemon artichokes with spinach, fettucine, and fresh Parmesan

Last Saturday was busy, busy, busy.  We spent most of the day in the garden.  It was really fun--but very busy.  When dinnertime rolled around, I opened the 'fridge and considered my (limited) options.  Usually I am a super-strict meal planner, but occasionally I plan a night where I will create something out of whatever we have on hand so that I can use up lingering foods before I go shopping again. 

Here's what I had in my lineup of viable ingredients (not counting jams and things like that):

fresh spinach
strawberries
eggs
baby artichokes
pesto
yogurt
shaved Parmesan cheese

I'd purchased the artichokes on a whim, because I'd never cooked with them before and I thought it would be fun.  Neil eyed them a little dubiously when I got home. 

"Do you have a recipe in mind?" he said.

"No," I replied, "but I'm sure I'll think of something."

So.  Faced with a mostly empty 'fridge, artichokes it was. 

Here is what I came up with:  grilled baby artichokes tossed with spinach, Parmesan, olive oil, lemon juice, and fettucine retrieved from the pantry.  The nice thing about this meal is that you can take a little longer if you're feeling particularly chef-ish and prep the artichokes yourself, or you can go the ten-minute-meal route and toss in some canned artichoke hearts (I'll be honest, prepping the artichokes was more time-consuming than I'd anticipated).  I served this with a spinach salad and a huge bowl of sliced strawberries.  It had a nice little Mediterranean feel to it, which made it a fun Saturday night supper, and the artichokes really dressed up an otherwise ordinary bowl of pasta.  Recipe HERE.