Last 5 for February for 2016!

1) Today Neil came home a little early and we went for a walk in the woods. It was SO nice to have that time outside--it's been a long winter! We all wore our boots and tromped through the streams and the mud and checked out all the newly fallen trees. At one point Neil yanked a smaller sapling out of the root-ball of another fallen tree (the sapling was entangled with the big tree, so it had been blown over too). It was about 30 feet long and he spent a good ten minutes breaking it up into chunks, one of which he challenged Isaac to carry for the rest of our hike--which was about a mile and a half. I was not a fan of this (as I expressed loudly and repeatedly) since I was worried that it would be way too much for Isaac (green wood so it was pretty darn heavy), but man, that kid was determined to get his log out of the woods! We finally made it back to the car and wedged it in so he could bring it home as firewood. Isaac was SUPER proud of himself and wrote a long entry about it in the letters we wrote later than night for FHE, which brings me to...

2) For leap year we wrote letters to ourselves to open on February 20, 2020. Crazy to realize that Abigail will be almost 15 by then! It was really fun thinking about where we would be and what advice we would give our future selves (my favorite was Juliet's advice to her 12-yr-old self: "Wear makeup for special occasions and distribute your money with great thought").

3) I made some Irish soda bread today. Normally I don't like Irish soda bread but a few years ago I found this Ina Garten recipe that I love (I sub in whole milk + vinegar for the buttermilk and use raisins rather than currants) and last night at about 9 PM I remembered that I liked it and decided to make some today. It was just as delicious as I recalled, and I sang along to John Denver as I was kneading, and felt very in love with the world and thought over and over again about one of my favorite poems that is thumb-tacked to my corkboard inside my cabinet door where I keep all the recipes I really love but don't yet have memorized. It's called "Baking Bread" and it's by Carol Lynn Pearson. My favorite stanzas are these:

And never even tried to explain
Her near-religious ritual:

How the flour on her fingers
Was the sun and the rain
And the earth

How the thump of her palms
On the dough
Was the dance of women
On the ancient threshing floor

How the smell of baking
Leavened her
And left her believing that
We rise, we rise

And
How the cutting
Of the first warm slice
For the first child home
Made her a bounteous goddess
With life in her hand.



4) I was able to do speedwork during my run today. This is so encouraging and wonderful! I'm back up to 5 runs a week, and adding in speedwork is the next step. I'm still SO much slower than I was before, but I can see improvements every week. I've read many anecdotal accounts of runners saying that stress fractures continue to bother them for the next year or even longer, so I'm just trying to keep my expectations and my goals reasonable. No more 60-mile weeks for me in the near future, but 30 or 40 is looking pretty darn good right now. :-)

5) I finished my course website for summer over the weekend. This is the first time I will have taught a summer course online, and the first time I've taught summer classes since 2007. I think it should go pretty smoothly, but it's the putting-together of the website that always looms large in my mind, and it's such a relief to have it done and well out of the way before classes start in June! (Yes, I know it's way in advance, but this is when I happened to have the time to do it.) Super glad to have all the coding and file transfers done, especially since HTML is something I've picked up along the way rather than actually knowing how to do because I've learned it formally, so it's still in that super-proud-of-myself stage when I actually get things working properly.

And that's it--Five for February is a wrap! It's been nice to revisit my blog. I think I'll have to do it more often. :-)

Wrapped in His love

Today has been one of the worst of days and one of the best of days.

Neil's back has been bothering him for a few weeks. We've tried all kinds of things but when he woke up this morning it was suddenly unbearably awful. He couldn't move and I finally convinced him to stay home and just sit in a hot bath while I called around town and tried to find someone who had a same-day appointment for something that might help. Miraculously, I found an appointment with a massage therapist five minutes from our home. And the appointment wasn't even during naptime!

I drove Neil there and the boys and I walked around a nearby park while we were waiting for him. It was breathtakingly beautiful and wonder of wonders, Luke actually walked with me instead of collapsing to the ground in a heap like he usually does. I felt refreshed and rejuvenated--and bizarrely the boys were also willing to eat the lunch that I'd packed for them, which NEVER happens.

After I picked Neil up, I drove him around campus to take care of some of his projects and collect what he needed to work from home. I got everyone settled at home, checked my email, and saw an email from my pediatrician that Nathan's flu shot was finally in stock--we had just been to her office yesterday and they still had no vaccines for his age, so we spent the next couple of hours yesterday morning going around town trying to find a flu shot for him to no avail. Her email said that they'd just gotten a few vaccines this morning and that she'd thought of me when she saw the text about the vaccines' arrival. I immediately called her office and got an incredibly convenient appointment time that meshed with everything else I had to do this afternoon. Once I had that settled, I decided to go for a run during naptime since everyone else was sleeping and Neil was home. I ran a route that I haven't been able to run in months and had some really good mulling-things-over time. Very restorative and one of the things that I kept thinking very clearly was that I needed to email my department head about my teaching schedule next semester.

When I got home I raced through putting dinner together, hopped in the shower, and then sped off to school to pick up the kids. I came back home, woke Nathan up from his nap and put him in the car. We dropped the girls off at their ceramics class and started towards Nathan's flu shot appointment--we'd only driven a few blocks when the car suddenly filled with smoke. I pulled over and before I could even get the hood up a couple of people had stopped to help. I borrowed one of their cell phones (I do have a really ancient phone but its battery only lasts about an hour so I never carry it) and called Neil at home. Normally I wouldn't have been able to get in touch with him, since he would be in his lab, but today I actually knew where he was! At least six people stopped and asked if I was okay and if there was anything they could do to help in the ten minutes while I was waiting for Neil. Once he got there with the Jeep, I was able to take the boys to Nathan's appointment while Neil checked out the van. By the time we needed to pick the girls up, it had cooled down sufficiently that Neil deemed it safe to drive and we made it almost all the way home before it started smoking again and we transferred everyone to the Jeep.

Once we were home, Neil made a few calls around town and found that this particular part--which he had replaced last week and had basically exploded in the car--was in stock in one local store. When it had gone bad originally, we had to special-order it and wait almost a week for it to arrive. I was able to pick up the part tonight and brought it back in time to have some fun family time before bed (the kids start their fall break tomorrow and I'd promised caramel corn and a showing of the 1949 Legend of Sleepy Hollow).

At some point during all this I posted a Facebook status about how grateful I was for all the silver linings I'd seen in what was actually not a very lovely day, but that I had constantly felt the Lord's love through all of the unexpectedly miraculous occurrences that followed something that was otherwise awful.

When I sat down to start grading after the kids were in bed, I remembered the earlier feeling that I should email my department head. So I did. Minutes later I got back a very kind email saying that he thought I'd known that I had to take a semester off from teaching due to university guidelines about the number of consecutive semesters of employment for my particular job designation, but that he hoped I would be available to teach again next fall.

Friends, you can imagine how devastated I was. I have worked like crazy throughout all of the time we've been in grad school to try to give our family some semblance of a normal life that doesn't reflect seemingly endless higher education--I've wanted us to be able to be free from arguments about money, I've wanted to be able to go on vacations that bind us together as a family, and I've wanted to be able to go to the grocery store and feel like it was okay to spend money on foods that would keep us healthy. We are so fortunate in that we have no car or student loans, but this has been the result of a lot of hard work--and I felt like all of that was just being swept away from me, especially as Neil and I have really been worrying about our budget lately with mounting costs of living while his graduate stipend is still the exact same that it was 8.5 years ago when we started.

So. I cried a lot, and started brainstorming different avenues and trying to figure out what I could do, and then as I was driving out with Neil to go try to bring the van home again I started praying for peace, and I realized what had been happening all day...the Lord knew what was coming. And he knew how devastating it would be for me, and how I would need a lot of faith to get through the impending job search and ensuing weeks and months of major changes for our family.

And so he gave me this day. A day where I saw his hand at every turn of events. A day where I saw tiny miracle after tiny miracle click into place. A day where I felt--over and over and over--like there truly is someone in heaven who cares so deeply and so intensely about the things that are important to me and the things that are difficult to me, no matter how small those challenges are in the grand scheme of things.

And so I know that things will work out. I know without any doubt that whatever will happen will be the best possible outcome for our family, because I absolutely know that the Lord loves us, and he cares, and he is watching out for us. And I am so grateful beyond my ability to express it that he gave me this day so that I could know that in my very soul.

Things that are making me smile today

• This mucky little boy is such a delight! And that messy face makes me so happy because he is eating!! We saw his dietitian yesterday and his weight gain is within the required parameters for him to still be classified as underweight but NOT failing to thrive (he is gaining 6 grams per day). Such a relief, although there is still a long ways to go! But I have discovered a new yogurt that he loves with 300 calories/14 g. fat per cup, so I'm sort of ridiculously happy about that (it seriously tastes like ice cream).
• I am almost done painting all of the woodwork in our home. I've been dreading painting the doors (there are 14 of them--and so many hinges!!) for so long and on Monday I finally bit the bullet and started. I am now about 90% done and yippee!! Things are looking so bright and cheery. I love the change. 
• Speaking of painting, Neil came home from work Monday night at about 1 am and I was still painting--he looked around in amazement and I showed him all my blisters and then I was like, I think I deserve an area rug (because I have been dithering for the longest time over whether it was worth spending the $$ but I HATED looking at our stained living room carpet and it made me grumpy every time I walked past, no matter how many times I scrubbed at the stains)...anyway, he was like, yes, go get your rug. So yesterday I did and it's gorgeous. 
• I am sending out some feelers for some summer work. During the school year I am so busy with teaching that once summer hits I'm like, hey, project central! I think I should spend money with all my free time! So I'm trying to get some more editing projects going to give me something to do other than think about Pinterest (need an editor? Shoot me an email!). I really do enjoy editing...I was working on a paper for one of Neil's colleagues over the holiday weekend and it was fun to learn more about what is happening in Neil's lab.
• The kids are done with school on Friday! Yes, there's some definite trepidation in my mind, but overall I am really excited because I have so many fun things planned! Same sort of schedule that we've always done--adventure day, learning day, art day, etc. etc.
• I spent last week with my parents, two of my sisters, and my maternal grandparents. I took the boys with me and we spent Tuesday-Friday with them all. It was so nice and so relaxing and so fun to see my sisters. Really just delightful! When I got home the house was shining and immaculate and I was so excited to see the girls & Neil again. We hired a babysitter and Neil and I went for an 8-mile run and talked a million miles a minute and then showered at his lab and had dinner and then wandered around Target (Neil is so kind! He does not like that sort of thing but I love it).
• The kids and I hit the library yesterday. Always such a delight. Jules was being a total stinker later and hiding in my room with a book when it was time to go to piano lessons...Neil told her that she had lost reading privileges for the rest of the day. That night she was crying in bed and I went in to talk to her and she looked up at me with her big brown eyes and said, "Mom, it's just that reading is my life! I pinky promise that I will be so so good forever if I can have my reading privileges back tomorrow!" So sad but also so cute at the same time.
• Right now the boys are sitting on the couch looking at a book together all snuggled up against each other's shoulder. This is an awesome change from yesterday when they were wrestling ALL DAY long. Super fun for 5 minutes and then they whack each other and get mad and start hitting and biting and then I have to separate them and then two minutes later they're friends again for the next five minutes...repeat, repeat, repeat. We ended the day with a bloody bite on Isaac's shoulder from feral Luke.
• I am so in love with our chickens. They are so funny and I love watching them gallop around the yard and chase the scraps that we throw to them (it makes me feel so much better about all the food the kids don't eat!). Isaac was telling me in great detail today which of the chickens have the reddest combs and wattles and then we had a very long talk about eggs vs. chicks and how the chicks grow from eggs. I just love that this is a part of our life now...and I love that the kids get so much joy out of watching the chickens and reporting on their interactions (right now the speculation is that Pomegranate may actually be a rooster!! Oh, you cannot possibly imagine the suspense and drama that this is causing in my kids' world these days! It is easily the #1 topic of conversation ALL THE TIME. That and what perfidies that sneaky Gloria is up to...good thing we have all the Gertrudes who are considerably more docile if not quite so exciting (Juliet's favorite thing is to pick up a Gertrude and sit with it on her lap while she swings and sings to the Gertrude...oh and in case I forgot to mention this we gave up on telling the Buff Orpingtons apart and we just call them all "The Gertrudes" collectively).
• Lots more good things but Tot wants to eat the keyboard so I'm done for now. 

0..............................................................



3.
-

Five things

1) I just finished one of my strongest-feeling runs ever, which is saying a lot because it was sixteen miles on the treadmill and it's 11:54 PM (it takes a long time to run that far and there's no way I can start until after the kiddies are in bed). My average pace was 9:36, I gradually sped up during the last 7 miles, and I finished at 8:00/mile. The rule of thumb I've read is to do your long runs anywhere from 30-90 seconds slower than your planned marathon pace, so I'm feeling pretty good about this one. :-)

2) I've had a bunch of students turn their projects in early and I've been able to get a jump on the grading. This makes such a huge difference to the craziness of my week next week. Bless them!

3) I spent quite awhile yesterday restocking my freezer with things to pack in the kids' lunches. I baked 8 dozen muffins and made 4 dozen pizza pockets. Everyone was thrilled and it felt so good to open up the freezer and see all those neatly labeled bags--again with the simplification of my life! Best of all, I finally got the whole-wheat pizza pocket dough to rise beautifully which was quite thrilling. :-)

4) Nathan slightly improved in his willingness to eat today, which makes a gigantic difference in my emotional well-being.

5) I've been really struggling with chronic fatigue over the last month--almost unbearably so. I keep falling asleep reading to the kids and every morning when I wake up I'm incredibly groggy. Without going into too much detail here, I realized today that my iron is probably way low and so I took a couple of iron pills and bam, I feel like a million bucks (and then I ran 16 miles).

savoring the moment

Yesterday I paused for a moment as I was setting the table for dinner.  I looked around at my world.

Isaac sat on the floor in a square of sunlight, babbling to himself and looking through a pile of books. 

Abigail crouched on the grass outside, her face intent under the brim of her sunhat, hands busily digging a hole with the help of a trowel.  She's been digging "bunny traps" lately all over our yard, holes that she roofs with grass so any rabbits with an eye to our lettuces will fall in (she came up with this on her own).  The rope she made in Nauvoo lay next to her to aid in escorting any errant rabbits from the yard.

Juliet twirled gently in a swing next to Abigail, singing softly to herself.  As I do every day, I thought how grateful I was for Neil's efforts in fencing the yard and building the swingset.

My kitchen was full of the yeasty smell of rising dough.  Rosemary and carrots sizzled together on the stove, garlic roasted in the oven.  A tomato-scented breeze blew past the plants on the patio and in through the screen on the sliding glass doors. John Denver sang "Rocky Mountain High" from the stereo in the living room. 



It was a perfect moment. I stood there for a moment holding a sheaf of napkins in my hands, savoring the fact that this is my life.

Then Juliet fell off the swing, landed in Abigail's rabbit trap, and things were back to normal.  :-)

things I love about being a stay-at-home mom...

I can spend two hours at the library with the kids, check out 50 books, promise to spend the entire afternoon doing nothing but reading stories, and know that's 100% possible.  There is nothing else I have to do, because they are my job. 

Can I just say what a blessing that is?  To be home with them?  Because it is.  Today I am really appreciating that.


(and yes that is a birthmark.)

reflecting

Something I realized today as I was accepting my courses for fall:  this will be my seventh year of university teaching.  I taught my own courses at BYU for two years as a graduate student (and was a TA for two years before that).  When we moved here for Neil's doctorate, I casually contacted the English department about the possibility of teaching and was offered the chance to apply for a full-time position.  While I passed on that, they hired me to teach without even an interview, based on my prior teaching experience and grades.  This will be the fifth year I've taught here--at one of the top schools in the country.  The department has been so incredibly accomodating with my desire to maximize my time with the children and has been so supportive of our family.

Little did I know that my humble master's degree would prove so fruitful--when I prayed about graduate school and was directed to English (not law or business, as I had planned all through my undergraduate years), I was so confused, and quite frustrated (make that really upset, actually).  Seven years later, I feel so incredibly blessed by my opportunities.  I know that many women balance part-time law/business practice with stay-at-home motherhood, but this has been so perfect for our family, especially while Neil is in school.  Yet another testament to me that the Lord truly knows what He's doing. 

image

trade-off

Neil and I did a skills swap this morning: I wrote his NSF grant proposal while he folded laundry and played with the kids.

We both thought we got the better end of the deal, which is always a good sign.

**note: normally I would have written this in the evenings so he could keep working, or just edited it after he wrote it, but his professor emailed him in the middle of the night about applying; the deadline is today, hence the rush. lucky man, to have his own in-house technical writer.

The last time I left the house was on Tuesday, to go to the pediatrician with all 3 kids. We came home with a diagnosis of RSV for everyone.

It's been a long five days. Very, very, very long. My parents were planning to visit this weekend, but we postponed that until everyone is healthy (a wise choice, but still, a big let-down, because I'd been building up to it in my mind all week).

I finally crossed my doorstep again today--to go to the pediatrician again. We came home with a diagnosis of secondary-to-RSV double ear infections and nasal infections for Isaac. The pediatrician said to continue our lovely little quarantine until all the coughing is gone. In the mean time, she said, expect "vast quantities of mucus drainage."

Let me tell you this: "vast" is an understatement. Everyone is very sick. Isaac's eyes are swollen and red. Everyone is coughing constantly and I'm wiping noses literally every five minutes. Nobody is sleeping well. I am very, very, very tired. Neil started getting sick today too.

The most frustrating thing about all of this to me is that I feel like we try so hard to be healthy. We eat really well. Neil and I exercise a lot (the kids run around like crazies so I think that counts). We all take vitamins every day. I've breast-fed all three kids to try to transfer all those nice immunities. We're up-to-date on shots, we wash hands regularly, all that jazz. And yet I feel like we are sick all. the. time. Seriously. It's one thing after another and I just can't catch my breath. The longest we have gone all winter between doctor visits is three weeks.

I'm just feeling very weighed down today. I'm frustrated with teaching--I always get emotionally invested and I don't understand why people just don't even bother turning in assignments. I don't like having to be the bad guy who hands out failing grades and then has to endure all the ensuing drama. I wish I could sleep for more than four hours at a time. I wish all my kids could be healthy for just one week all at the same time. I miss going to playgroups and storytime and even just the grocery store.

Well...I better go give Isaac his last breathing treatment and his evening set of 4 medications. :-( On the bright side, his oxygen level was high enough today that he wasn't hospitalized. Which is a definite plus.

Oh, the humanity!

Yesterday was Not Fun. Neil didn't get home from the lab until 11 pm, the kids were just kind of wild all day, and for the first time since I left for college I found myself doing the breakfast dishes after dinner. (Seriously. That is a low point for me. The abyss.) Isaac didn't nap longer than 45 minutes all day, Juliet never napped, and I didn't eat lunch until 2:30. I ran early in the morning, then washed and folded eight loads of laundry, helped Abigail paint valentines for her preschool class, read stories to the kids for almost an hour and did some grading and honestly? I don't think I did anything else all day.

So I was so relieved to go to bed last night. Finally. Sleep. Bliss.

And then I DREAMED ABOUT DOING HOUSEWORK AND GRADING ALL. NIGHT. LONG.

Excepting, of course, the THREE times that Isaac woke up. This morning I pulled all the pillows over my head and pretended very hard that I couldn't hear Isaac crying and the girls playing. I lay there coughing and feeling sorry for myself for as long as I could (in other words: until Neil left). I have a lot to do today and I don't want to do any of it. Here is what I want to do: go back to bed. By myself. Just for an hour--then I'll get up and take care of everyone else.

Also, would someone please make me breakfast?

Okay--done whining now. I'm going to pull myself together, go put Isaac down for a nap, vacuum, wash the breakfast dishes, take a shower, and read stories to the girls.

where my heart is

Today I quit my position as an instructional designer. I could go on for a long time about the whys and the wherefores, but it boils down to this: my family is more important. Even if I'm only working when they're asleep, it was a drain on the resources and energy I had to offer, especially with three children and with Abigail getting older.

I've been somewhat dreading actually making this call, since I am the type of person who has a really hard time admitting that I can't do things (case in point: my freshman year at BYU involved 21 credits per semester plus being on the Residence Halls Council, which was about another 20 hours a week planning activities for all the freshmen living in the dorms). Plus, let's be honest, the money was really nice. Especially since I've asked for (and gotten) two very substantial raises in the last five months. On the flip side, there's been some serious spiritual prompting telling me this is the right choice. So I knew I needed to do it.

And after I got off the phone, I felt so free. So light. I wasn't thinking of the lost income. All I could think about was the time I now have. Time to play "Hi-ho, Cherry-o!" a million and one times. Time to read more than one chapter of Little House on the Prairie to Abigail while the other two sleep. Time to reorganize my closets. Time to spend a whole hour planning meals for the week. Time to actually take a few minutes for myself during quiet time. Time playing with the children where there isn't a nagging voice in the back of my head reminding me of the work I need to do when they're asleep. Time to do things that I really love.

I hope this euphoria continues through next week, which is when I start teaching again (but only one class rather than my usual two. And plus, I love teaching. Which I can't really say for instructional design. Here's hoping that the online class works, since most of what I love about teaching is actually interacting with students and being in front of the class).

We're still sick around here--Abigail and Neil are on antibiotics for bronchitis and I'm thinking I may have it too. Jooj spent the night in our bed last night--first time EVER that has happened!--and Isaac still has a very stuffed-up nose.

But despite all the coughing and the wheezing and the amoxicillin-covered syringes and the 7 loads of laundry I did Saturday, things are good. We definitely don't feel tiptop, but I can't help counting our blessings. Today, I am grateful for my sweet children. I even felt grateful for them when I came back from Isaac's room in the wee hours of the morning and found Juliet sprawled all over my pillows, wheezing away. I just curled right up with her fluffy hair rubbing against my cheek and we held hands while we fell asleep.


Abigail told me today how nice it is that we have a whole family, because before she had Juliet and Isaac she was "just so lonely with my toys." I'm so grateful that my little people are such good pals. I'm grateful that she is so delighted by her little siblings and shares with them cheerfully. I'm super grateful that Isaac is so entertained by her that I can go to the bathroom by myself. Priceless, I tell you.

I'm also grateful for organizing. Kind of random, but a good organizing session can always make me feel better--it's much easier for me to be chipper and upbeat if my surroundings are tidy (which has definitely rubbed off on the kids!) We always keep a pretty tidy house, but I usually have a mental list of extra projects I'd like to do. This weekend I tackled the kids' clothes, sorting and re-boxing (very methodically so that now my storage is aesthetically pleasing) everything. Everything. You can see about half of it in this picture. I also went through all my fabric, my pantry, and the food storage. I love things like this, so it was really fun, plus now I want more babies so that I can use all these cute clothes again, and it was fun to tell Abigail and Juliet little stories about when they wore thus-and-such.


Abigail and I just finished the last chapter of Farmer Boy today. She's such a great little buddy and I love watching her learn and grow.

I have lots of other thoughts tumbling around in my head right now, but my head is hurting a lot so I'm done now.

answers, with some pictures too

What do I want for Christmas? (subtle, Mom)
A food processor. A dehydrator. A Victorio strainer. Cute jewelry. Tongs. A silicone whisk. Yoga classes. More time. A good waterbottle. A Bernina sewing machine. A big thing of maple flavoring because I'm tired of buying a little bottle every month [edit: bought this last weekend]. A short-sleeved button-front sweater that matches everything I currently own. Cute shoes. A really awesome camera. A yellow Le Creuset pitcher. But honestly, now that I've given that list, I really don't need anything, because I'm running out of room. (Maybe yoga classes.)

What's your typical outfit for any given day?
Jeans, a shirt that falls somewhere in between a exercise-worthy T-shirt and a teaching-appropriate Banana Republic buttondown (in other words, something attractive but very washable), my Acorn sheepskin slippers, and a French braid. And right now, I wear my BR red trench coat everywhere--I adore that coat.

What's the most enjoyable book you read this year?
The Name of the Wind by Patrick Rothfuss.

If I [my sister Mary Beth] were to come and visit you for a day, what would we do? What if you came to visit me?
We would cook. A lot. Visit the Russian or the Asian grocer. Take the kids to the playground. Stay up late talking and then go for a walk when the stars are out.And if I came to visit you, we would go to Cafe Rio, and then we would go hiking in the mountains. Or I would sit in your carrel and watch you study, which is probably more likely at this point in the semester. :-)

What's one dish you currently want to learn how to cook?
Risotto! But it's hard to find a time when I can just stir something for 30 minutes.

How much time do you typically spend on meal preparation?
Around an hour, but I'm also frequently starting things earlier in the day (like chopping things while the kids eat lunch or mixing up bread right after naptime). Generally I start full-scale dinner prep about forty-five minutes before I want to eat.

What is your favorite way to relax? (Answer cannot be exercise. That is not true relaxing.) :-)
Reading, in my bed, with a little bowl of almonds and Craisins.

What do you want to do when Neil finishes school?
Ideally, we'd like to live somewhere in the West where there are awesome ski resorts, lots of sun, and good gardening weather (we're not asking for much, are we?) Colorado looks nice. As far as jobs go, we're thinking government or private research, but eventually Neil would like to teach. My dream is that we will both end up at BYU as dollar-a-year professors, and we will live in a cabin up Sundance canyon and ski a lot.

How many kids do you want?
When we were first married, we decided we wanted upwards of five. However, after Isaac was born, my doctor gave me a set time frame before I could even start thinking about getting pregnant again and suggested a consultation with general and vascular surgeons beforehand. She also told me I have a good chance of seriously increased complications with subsequent pregnancies...so I guess we'll see.

What do you both do [in terms of employment, I'm guessing?]
The short answer here is that Neil is a doctoral student in mechanical engineering. He works as a teaching assistant for a program centered on engineering in community service, which he loves, because he's teaching undergrads how to solve engineering conundrums. His research area is laser-aided manufacturing, which is the topic for his dissertation--so when I talk about him working in the lab, that's what he's doing.

My teaching is through the university where Neil is doing his doctorate. Up until next semester, I've taught traditional classroom courses in advanced technical and business writing; next semester I'm giving online teaching a whirl. I also do freelance editing and instructional design, which basically means I take a whole bunch of materials about, say, a medical device, and create a voiceover script with visual implementation so that instead of sitting through a PowerPoint presentation on ankle replacement, a surgeon can use an interactive online training module to learn more about how a certain device would change the procedure.

Recipes forthcoming on the recipe blog

Kid food for lunch and snacks
Honestly, most days my kids just eat various raw fruits and veggies for lunch. Any assortment of grapes, peaches, plums, oranges, pears, apples, pomegranates, grapefruits, tomatoes, edamame, sugar snap peas, carrots, corn, beans, celery, etc. I don't think they've ever met a vegetable or fruit they didn't like, including last night's Brussels sprouts. Mostly I just cut up fruits and vegetables until they're full, and whatever they eat on a certain day depends on what I have on hand. Occasionally we will add in cheese or some bread, but mostly it's just the fruit and vegetables. They don't really like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but they do like tuna fish mixed with red onion, craisins, celery, and apples, which they call "mermaid lunch."

For snacks, if we eat crackers it's usually Goldfish, which isn't my favorite option, but it's HFCS-free. Sometimes we will bake pretzels, banana bread, or pumpkin muffins, which Jules is obsessed with. They eat a lot of raisins and craisins. And clementines.

How many boys did you kiss before Neil?
Neil was the eighth, although truth be told, I've probably kissed Isaac more in four and half months than I've kissed Neil in seven years. Which is what happens when you have a baby with ultra-chubby kissable cheeks who will giggle like crazy if you kiss him really fast all over his face. Ooh, I love those cheeks!

another day

elise, this picture has nothing to do with the post, but I know how much you love pictures, so this is for you.

Today I took Isaac to the pediatrician for his four-month checkup and shots, took Jules and Isaac to the library, read stories separately to Juliet and Abigail to ensure they each had some "mommy time," watched a friend's children for 2 hours, did regular laundry and washed the diapers, did an hour and a half of instructional design work for a client, cooked the very time-consuming dinner that Abigail picked out for this evening, picked up a million toys, washed a lot of dishes, gave Isaac a bath and nursed him five times, and went for a 5-mile run after the kids were in bed.

For some reason, I still feel like it was a very unproductive day, because all I can see is what I didn't do: I didn't clean the 'fridge, dust the house, mop the kitchen floor, or organize everyone's toys/clothes (all of which are tasks that I normally do on Wednesday). I didn't find time to sit down on the floor and play with the kids. I didn't cuddle my poor little immunized baby as much as he would have liked.

I'm hoping to do better tomorrow. I've really been trying to prioritize lately and identify the 3 most important things that I absolutely have to do that day, but all too often it seems like the little things creep in and derail my plan. It's all well and good to say I will do XYZ today, but somehow I always forget how much time little insidous things--like unloading the dishwasher, taking Juliet to the bathroom a million times (I took away the toilet paper after she used an entire roll to wipe herself), kissing owies, and finding that one special toy--take out of the day and away from the big goals.

Ho hum. I'll figure it out someday. I guess as long as I keep moving in an upward direction that's something, right?

planning and decision-making

So awhile back I posted something about not teaching next semester because the department didn't have any early-morning classes. Which I was actually okay with, because honestly, three kids? I'm really busy.

But since I do like to have a little extra income, and I like feeling like I've accomplished something every day that stays done (as opposed to laundry and washing dishes), I asked my main instructional design client if a) they would have more hours available for me in future and b) if they would give me a very substantial raise. And they said yes to both.

And then I got a letter from the English department asking me to teach an online class. And when I called to say what, really? Um...are you sure? they were super excited about how they had specially arranged an opportunity for me to still teach at a time that was convenient to my family. And enthusiastic about the fact that they were able to offer me an online course, since I was such an experienced classroom teacher (their words, not mine).

So. I finished an instructional design project last week and turned my "free time" towards writing HTML code for my course website, and hacking apart the courses I've taught for the last six years and turning them into something that's workable for online. Yesterday I got another email asking me to start a big new instructional design project (I did a smaller editing project for them already earlier this week).

The sense that Neil and I have both had as we've prayed about all of this is that these are good opportunities and that I should pursue them, but not at the expense of my family. That has been a very, very, very strong feeling. So right now, I am juggling and trying to figure things out. Do I get up earlier? Stay up later? Continue to work during quiet time, or devote that time while Juliet's asleep to quality time with Abigail? (plus fitting in all the day-to-day keeping life running things).

It's somewhat frustrating right now trying to figure this out, and I don't have any answers yet. This week has been pretty bumpy since I've had so many things pulling at my attention and I've been pretty exhausted (so tired, in fact, that I skipped my yoga class at went to bed at 6:30 on Tuesday night--fortunately I can make up the class whenever I want, which is nice). But we're going forward in faith that this will somehow work out--and definitely relieved that we were already planning a temple trip this weekend.

meditations

I've done fifteen hours of editing in the last week. It doesn't sound like much until you think about cramming it into the few precious hours when the kids are asleep--and after a day packed full of our regular chores, swimming lessons, storytime, working in the garden, exercising, coloring, etc. And a week that has also included a temple trip, hosting the missionaries for dinner, preparing a lesson for Enrichment, making dinner for the homeless shelter, and watching far too many episodes of The Office after some friends loaned us the third and fourth season. Hence the lack of much activity in the blogging world.

Too bad Neil is playing basketball right now, 'cause right now I could really go for The Office, a couple of fresh peaches, and a foot rub (my poor damaged vascular system is not holding up to pregnancy well, despite all the surgical repairs).

But life goes on, and meanwhile I can laugh at Juliet eating peas right off the vine (she's the perfect height to walk up and start munching!), Neil's description of how they caught a spider in the lab and checked it out under a microscope to ascertain whether it was indeed a brown recluse (can't you just imagine all these focused doctoral students crowded around?), and Abigail's prayer to "please bless Mommy so it doesn't hurt her to bend over" (to pick up toys, presumably?) And being really, really, really grateful that we have an ingrained habit of reading stories every day, because those breaks on the couch are totally saving my aching joints. Relishing tiny little moments of joy like the ten minutes I spent with the kids stripping cilantro leaves off the stems. Something tiny and insignificant, but so heart-warming to see how eagerly they both volunteered to help and how diligently they worked.

These things are good.

oh yeah!

and i almost forgot to post my exciting news--i found out yesterday that my thesis introduction is getting published in an anthology of critical essays called "New Directions in Adaptation Studies." i am pretty excited.

as a sidenote, what i love most about English lit academia is the way in which all good essay titles have a colon, so i have another chance to immortalize a twenty word title in print.

but that news also spurred my worries that i should be doing something with my education...like going back to school. or publishing more. or studying for the GRE in lit. or basically doing something other than teaching a couple classes and whining when i have to grade because i'd rather be reading harry potter or the cat in the hat, which is abigail's current favorite of the week ("Mommy book cat hat!")

currently, i have evaluated my priorities and will be retiring to my bed with hot chocolate and a veritable pile o' satisfyingly nonacademic novels.

Musings

Andrea tagged me with a "five things you may not know about me" thing, and since I've had a lot of time lately to sit around and think (ok, mostly i've been taking really long showers to escape and then i think in the shower) I thought this would be a good time to get out some of those musings.

1) I think I'm realizing that a) I don't particularly want to pursue a Ph.D. right now and b) this is primarily because I am starting to hoard my free time. Abigail gives me two hours of freedom during the day (naptime) and three at night between her bedtime and mine, and those five hours are very, very, very precious. So precious that I've been in a particularly bad mood lately because those hours have gone to grading, rather than lying on my bed reading. Which is my self-indulgence activity of choice. So while I had limitless time pre-Abigail to cram in all kinds of schoolwork and still have lots of "me" time, I just don't think I'm willing to make the sacrifice at this point in my life, since apparently I cannot function without some quiet time to recharge and do whatever I want to do. And frankly, I tried two days of grading while Abigail was awake, and it was absolute misery for both of us. Not because she was cranky about it (she was pretty good, considering), but I really hated putting her off to stare at frustrating papers. Wow. That was a long one. Anyway, it brings me to my next point...

2)...which if you know me well, probably isn't that novel (heh heh--get it?) But I love reading to the point where it's really more vice than virtue. I especially love books that make me hungry or long for travel or to go do something like rip up my entire lawn and plant it with wildflowers. Those books are the ones that really pull me in and make me want to do whatever it is that the characters are doing. I think that's why I enjoy indulging in Rosamunde Pilcher novels--I always put the book down feeling that all I really need out of life is a sunny kitchen full of flowers and the smell of bread baking, with a door opening out onto a flagged terrace surrounded by my well-kept vegetable garden. Lots of sun. And flowers.

3) My fondest childhood memories all center around my sister Mary Beth (sorry to the rest of you, but you just weren't old enough). We were completely inseperable and I thought she was the coolest playmate ever (probably because she was willing to play the Seven Dwarves, Prince Charming, the evil witch, and the horse while I took on Snow White) and one of my most vivid memories is coming home from school, throwing my backpack down on the lawn, and racing off to play with her in our woods house. Good times.

4) I really wanted to be an architect for about...five or six years, maybe? My dad completely indulged me and always brought me issues of Architectural Digest and drawing paper, and I would spend hours in my room hunched over my desk drawing out my latest dream home. I would even draw out blueprints for whatever Lego house my sisters and I were planning to build the next day.

5) There are a some things I am really grateful for from my childhood: no TV, classical music, daily scripture study/family prayer, weekly family home evening and the fact that I never knew what a Twinkie was until I was nine. An odd hodgepodge, I know, but I can attribute basically everything about my growth into an adult to those five things.

and now i tag mary beth, jen, and mom.

woe is me

The employment projects were turned in today from both my classes (which is a fancy way of saying resumes, cover letters, memos, job descriptions, etc.). At 20 minutes per each, it works out to 12 hours of grading.

12 hours, you say? Painful, but not too bad.

Well, throw a toddler into that mix.

Pretty much my afternoons and evenings are shot for the next long time. Oh--but wait! I still have to prepare my presentation/lecture/discussion thing for book club tonight, which slashes out my afternoon AND evening (since book club is at 8 pm).

The upside of all this, of course, is that I have a great job which pays really well, is wonderfully flexible, and allows me to continue to exercise my mind and use my education while simultaneously allowing Abigail to spend quality time with her dad.

but i miss my quiet Abigail-naptime-rest-thing already...

Cool title here...

Tonight while we were finishing dinner, we were "tracted" by the missionaries. We have some new ones in our ward who have only been over to dinner once or not at all, so they didn't recognize our house--but when we opened the door, they suddenly looked a little confused! We invited them in for some hot chocolate (it's around freezing with a really nasty wind chill) and they shared a great message with us about the power of prayer, so it was a nice unexpected spiritual boost.

We picked up the Cars DVD on our way home from the church tonight (I had to drop off some food for a dinner the RS is doing for one of the community organizations), so I'm excited to watch that tonight. Neil hasn't had much fun to look forward to the last few weeks, so we'll take a little break tonight. I must say, I really love the $1 rental at the grocery-store-box-thing. What a great idea!

Abigail and I had a pretty good day together today. She's started screaming again for no apparent reason--I was hoping we were past that stage, but evidently it's hit again--but aside from that, things were good. She chased me around the kitchen for awhile this afternoon--I had a big hole in the knee of my jeans, and she stuck her cold little hand against my skin, so I yelped and jumped back. She thought that was pretty fun and kept trying to do it again--hence the chase.

One nice piece of news I got today is that the campus institute is going to give me a parking pass for this semester, even though I'm not enrolled in any institute classes. This is a much-appreciated act of mercy on their part, since I would have to leave our house at 6:15 to walk the half-mile to the bus stop in order to get to class on time--and the institute is literally a 30-second walk to my class, so it's perfect. Fortunately I'm done teaching before the institute classes start, so they have some extra parking at that time! Teaching is going well thus far (all one day of it!) and hopefully will continue that way through the semester. Abigail and Neil seemed to enjoy their bus ride together to campus, so that was a relief (Abigail initially refused to get on the bus).