35 weeks

So on Sunday I took some pictures because I haven't taken any of myself in forever, and then I realized I should probably post them because they're going to be outdated soon since we're now closer to 36 weeks.  Actually, I had Neil take some, but I am terrible at posing so they all looked like I was weirdly swaybacked, like this:

So then I just wound up taking some very professional ones in my bathroom like I usually do.

In a less narcissistic vein, yesterday during lunch (it was a totally crazy day and I felt like I had to do SOMETHING productive and that was the only available time) I made Luke's initial applique pillow, so now I am officially finished with all of the sewing for his big-boy bed (just realized I never posted a photo of his quilt), and we can do that transition...soon.  We took away his pacifier about a week ago and he's been totally fine--he doesn't nap quite as long and he sings himself to sleep, but he hasn't cried one little peep about it.  He's such a cutie (despite the fact that he has decorated the house TWICE with Sharpie in the last few days...bedroom/living room carpet, walls, couch, molding, etc.  We should have hidden all the Sharpies after the first time but apparently it took us two times to wise up).

Queen of the grumps

we made salt-dough ornaments for our little springtime tree.  Luke was convinced that they were
sugar cookies and--despite our best efforts to dissuade him--ate about half of one in one bite.
poor kid.

I've been in an impressively bad mood almost all of this week--if I was in a comic strip, I'd have one of those  angry gray rainclouds sitting above my head.  It's a combination of perpetual fatigue (at that stage now where the baby's movements are constantly waking me up all night), a head cold/cough on its second week (I think it may be headed towards sinusitis), the irritation of contractions every 10 minutes or so ALL DAY AND NIGHT, and feeling guilty because I'm so snappish towards my family.  Topped off with the fact that I haven't been able to run since Monday's lovely little hospital interlude, so I'm really hoping that I can start again this next week (as the ER doctor said I might), because I need those endorphins SO much.  I've been walking and doing yoga, but it just isn't the same (although walking is intensifying my contractions, so who knows if I'll even be able to run).

Today poor Neil did his best to hit all my happiness triggers--I knew that things had really been bad this week when he came home from work an hour early (on Saturday, nonetheless!) and suggested that we all go for a walk in the woods (I griped at the kids the whole time to stop sticking their hands in the mud, stop digging up the trail, hurry up/slow down, etc.).  It was not exactly a success.  Then when we came home he turned on John Denver, so I knew that I was really being awful if he was pulling out the big guns (John Denver is my very favorite but I listen to him so much that Neil generally prefers something else when he has a choice).  After dinner my contractions were strong enough that I had to go lie down, and since I was so exhausted I promptly fell asleep and then I woke up just in time to snark at everyone before bedtime.  Sigh.  I really hope I can get some real sleep tonight and that my nap didn't jeopardize it all.  So frustrating when I know I'm being awful but I'm losing my temper at the drop of a hat despite my best intentions.

Grump, grump, grump.  I need to snap out of it so I stop focusing on all the things that are ongoing and seem completely unsustainable but unchangeable.  (I feel pretty much the same way about grad school and pregnancy right now.)  Oh well.  A couple of pictures here...

Isaac made himself this giant nest the other day and I was so jealous.  Doesn't he look totally blissed out?

An afternoon trip to the moon when the "chocolate milk bus" (aka the UPS truck) delivered a giant box with a baby swing inside sent by my parents.

The kids decided they all would be safest wearing these "astronaut hats."  Nice, eh?

This picture is my favorite.

 I took this picture the other day after I made dinner (but before I cleaned up) to ensure that Neil appreciated the clean kitchen that greeted him when he got home.  It's the little things that count, right?

One of the things I wanted to do this year was to knit something other than (larger than) a scarf.  So I made this baby blanket.  It took me about four weeks of knitting while I listened to Juliet read to me or was reading stories to the kids myself.  I originally started with a much more complex pattern, but it was driving me crazy because I kept losing count of my stitches while I was reading aloud.  I've decided that I enjoy knitting much more when it is repetitive and relaxing rather than complicated and requiring lots of counting.

The end.

The goodies and the baddies

It's been an interesting week--lots of valleys and mountains in rapid succession. (All of which I took pictures of, and none of which I'm posting because they all got flipped when I tried to upload them and I don't feel like fixing them, so instead...here are some random pictures of my cute kids.)
Early in the week, I was asked if I wanted to be paid to review a textbook.  Um, yes!  High!
The next day, Neil was informed that he'd won the university's most prestigious award for teaching assistants (which we think has a cash award attached). High! High!  We started daydreaming about how we might spend all this extra cash if we didn't have things like, oh, children who require food. 

On Friday our washing machine broke and was kind of expensive to repair.  Low.  But Neil was able to fix it so we only paid for parts, not labor.  High!

On Saturday my mom drove down to watch our sick kids so that we could go to the temple by ourselves.  (Low for her, high high high for us.)  We ate lunch in Greektown.  High!  We miscalculated the parking meter fees and got stuck with a $65 parking ticket.  Low.

On Sunday everyone was too sick to go to church, so we stayed in our pajamas and slept most of the day.  I will let you decide whether you think this is a low or a high.  :-)

On Monday I tore a muscle in my calf while I was running (went to the ER, which my overpriced insurance won't cover) and went into preterm labor (went to Labor & Delivery, which my insurance hopefully will cover.  Nothing like staring around a room all set up to receive a baby and hoping that yours doesn't put in an appearance anytime soon).  I'm on super-restricted activity for at least a week. All of those are very bad lows.  But I had a wonderful wonderful friend who I knew I could call to take care of my children (she not only hung out at my house until 10 pm last night, but she took my boys this morning and is taking them again tomorrow).  Very great high (although when I think about her moving next week I think that's the lowest low of all.)

So...you win some, you lose some.  I'm grateful for the extra unexpected money that put in an appearance just when we needed it, and even more grateful for the amazing friends & family members that bless our lives.

random photos

 

A couple of weeks ago Juliet had an all-day field trip, so Isaac and I had ourselves a pretty busy time of it while Luke was napping (we painted some walls, cut out Luke's big-boy blanket, and then snuggled down for an hour with a big stack of books.  Luke is an AWESOME napper, btw).  About fifteen minutes before the girls got home from school, I told Isaac I needed to lie down for a few minutes and take a quick nap--apparently he thought it was a great idea because this is how I found him a few minutes later!

Isaac slept right through everyone getting home, doing homework, practicing piano, etc.  He slowly toppled over and I covered him up and then Luke brought in Isaac's bear and very tenderly tucked it in next to him.  So sweet.

Bad lighting in this one, but aren't my all-ready-for-church boys so cute?  (They were checking out our Mormon Tabernacle Choir playlist...I'm not sure why it's so fascinating to stare at a screen that is just playing music, but...apparently it is.)

Juliet and Luke literally did this for half an hour one day--just wandering around the house each taking care of their babies.  Fun little kids.

I'm not sure why I took this picture other than to celebrate the magic that is all four children sitting politely in their seats, eating their lunch, and having a nice conversation together!!  Too bad Neil wasn't home to witness this miracle.

 Last week my mom came down for a few days just to visit.  It was soooo good to see her (and she even got to drive in the biggest snowstorm we've had this winter! Lucky, right?)  I'm so glad that she was able to come because the children had been asking me almost every day after school if we could go visit my parents (it's not exactly an after-school drive) and they were so thrilled to see her.  And it was SO awesome for me to have her here and to get to chat with her, and especially lovely when I forgot the missionaries were coming to dinner and so she ordered a ton of pizzas and made an amazing Greek salad and told me that I was taking the night off from cooking.  :-)

 Juliet made me this sweet-looking mask the other day.  I wore it while I was making dinner and gave Luke the fright of his life.

And speaking of Luke, here is my dear little man all sleepy and ready to be tucked into his crib...

...after, of course, Daddy reads him a story while Lukey snuggles with his "guy" (a post further down the page explains Luke's new obsession with Flynn Rider or Ryder or however you spell that one).


Oh!  And speaking of Luke's crib, this is what Neil found on Saturday morning when we went in to retrieve him for breakfast (I don't know what happened to all of that laundry before they climbed inside the laundry baskets, but I really hope they dumped it out BEFORE getting in the crib...).

A day away

A few months ago, my dear friend Melanie and I were having one of our rather-frequent chats about grad school and surviving an often-absent husband and all of that good stuff, and I was bewailing the fact that they are moving on with their lives and that we really sort of needed one last hurrah before they left town.



And thanks to our wonderful husbands, it happened this weekend!  We went to Chicago by ourselves for an entire day (this is seriously so amazing considering the hours that our husbands typically are working, although we did plan it, oh, two months or so in advance) and I just can't even describe how phenomenal it was.  The whole day was sort of encapsulated by the fact that we spent two hours eating lunch/dinner at Grand Lux--talking a mile a minute while we toyed with the last of the chocolate fudge cake and watched the waiters reset the table next to us for the third time.  And hours and hours wandering around IKEA and Home Goods (plus assorted other stores).  Trying not to giggle during the hand massages at Lush and marveling at the view of Chicago from the top of the Hancock building.

I have had the occasional day here and there away with Neil, and I always look forward to them so much.  It's been a much longer time since I've had a day away with a friend, and it was such a good reminder to me of the value of my friendships with other women and how wonderful it is to have a friend that I connect with on so many levels!  Here's to hoping we get to recreate this day again...some day!

the Owlery

A month or so ago, Neil and I sat down and started figuring out the logistics of welcoming our fifth baby into our home & family.  At the tippy-top of that list was the question of where everyone would sleep!  We are fortunate that we have very large bedrooms, but even so, five kids in two rooms (we keep the baby in with us in a bassinet for a couple of months, but find that everyone sleeps better in their own room & bed after that point) felt a little...adventurous.

 

One of the other nice things about our house is that we have fairly large closets, including a good-sized walk-in in one of the children's rooms.  We decided to revamp the closet and make it a fun little cubby that could accommodate a bed.  So we did some rearranging and some clearing-out of dress-ups and stuffed animals, and then Isaac and I spent one afternoon painting, and Neil spent an afternoon building a custom platform bed to fit the space (we ordered a giant piece of foam online and then cut it to fit the bed).


We're still not done with the space--I'm planning to sew some giant pillows to cushy it up a bit and maybe another pennant banner (and we'll likely take the door off its hinges since it's not ventilated and I don't want anyone to close the door in the night if someone's asleep in there)--but I must tell you, it is such a hit!  I think we may have to trade off weeks sleeping in the Owlery, as the kids have dubbed it (thanks to the cute little owls everywhere), because EVERYONE is so in love with it.  I'm totally anticipating that all four of them are going to rotate through it once a month.

 It's a rare occasion to walk by and find the Owlery unoccupied.  Jules and Isaac like to cozy up there together with their blankets & a stack of books during quiet time.  Luke likes to hang out with his cars and Juliet's Flynn Ryder doll (which he takes everywhere in the Barbie Corvette and calls his "guy").

And, of course, it's the perfect place for bedtime stories--our whole family can snuggle up in there together.  So, so, so fun.  (And I'll post more pictures when we finish it up in another week or two.)

times and seasons

In the past month, I've had four requests from members of my ward who would like me to contribute my specific talents in a certain capacity within ward activities, service projects, etc.

I've said no to all but one of those requests.

This has been something that has been incredibly difficult for me--embarrassing, even--and so I'm posting about it in hopes that it will help someone else who may be struggling with the same feelings.

Our religion is one that is very service-oriented, sometimes at the expense of other good things because of a cultural (not doctrinal) perspective.  I have often found myself taking meals to someone or babysitting or doing a project at the expense of my own family and sanity, but I've felt like it was something that was a "good thing" to do and so I should do it.

Right now, as we all know, our family is sort of in survival mode.  I'm nearing the end of my pregnancy; Neil is pulling 75-hour weeks at work and I'm teaching 20 hours a week, and we have four children and all that entails.  Time is at a premium in our home and relationship (understatement, understatement, understatement).

In talking with Neil & my mom about the latest one of these requests that I've had to turn down, it's been good for me to realize that we all have times and seasons in our lives where we can really contribute and serve and do many things outside our home, and some times when we're just not able to do those because other things have to come first.  Honestly, it's hard for me to acknowledge that I can't do it all, and it's much harder for me to do so in a somewhat public setting where I feel like I look like I'm selfishly unwilling to contribute to righteous endeavors.

The truth is, however, that anything I do right now outside of my primary sphere is directly at the expense of my family.  Sometimes I really struggle with the idea of balancing taking care of my family and related responsibilities with the promises I've made to dedicate myself to the Lord's service.  Then I realize that for some reason, I often interpret this service solely as things I do away from my home and family, but I do know--and this has been reaffirmed to me lately--that my primary responsibility IS to take care of my family and teach them to follow the Lord.  And sometimes I do that by serving someone in need outside of our home, and sometimes I do that by serving the needs of my family.  And sometimes--as long as I'm being honest here--I can't even do that, and I just have to go away from it all and plead with the Lord for the strength to keep going yet another day.