soapboxing again

I'm not sure whether it's that my babies have gotten easier or that I've gotten better at the weeks following a baby's arrival, but my last two babies have been much easier than my first two.  I thought I would write down some of the things that have helped me in case they're useful to anyone else.  I really hope this comes across the right way--I don't consider myself a fountain of wisdom on mothering by any means, but these are things I wish I'd known in the postpartum haze with earlier babies, where I was staggering around thinking, "There has got to be a better way!!"

1) Take advantage of help!

When my first two babies were born, I felt like I needed to socialize and be a good hostess for my visiting mother.  With my fourth, I slept in until 9:30 and napped when I was tired.  It made a world of difference.  Ditto to accepting offers of meals and playdates.

2) Drink tons of water and begin exercising when your doctor gives you the okay.

Exercise may feel like the last thing you want to do--as I write this, my eyelids are fluttering and the prospect of working out is far from appealing.  But I know that as soon as I finish up, the endorphins from my workout will buoy me through the rest of the day, help me to sleep better at night, and give me a jump-start on the postpartum weight loss (and let's be honest, getting rid of those pounds does SO much for your mood and general well-being!).  And water is like the miracle cure, especially if you're nursing.  Drink as much as you can hold!

3) Schedules, routines, and lists.

I am a huge list-maker, so what works for me may be frustrating for someone who is more of a go-with-the-flow type (but honestly, little kids are SO in love with routines that I think it becomes very beneficial to incorporate more routines).  In the last few weeks, I've focused on crossing off my regular to-do list items and not worrying about anything else:  I know that if I'm doing those daily tasks, just as I've been doing for years, that my house will be clean, the laundry will get done, I will exercise, and I'll spend quality time with the kids every day.  Fitting in a baby's schedule has been so much easier when I work my to-do list around nursing sessions, because I know exactly what I need to do each day to keep the house going--there's no feeling of a huge backlog of unidentified tasks that need to be done.  The biggest benefit to sticking by my lists is that my older children get quality one-on-one time with me every day (since this is written into my daily plan) and I don't feel guilty about neglecting them for the new baby.  This has also really helped them with the transition.  And last but not least, having such a cemented routine means that we just carry on with the normal activities assigned to each day, and their little lives don't get disrupted because we're doing the exact same things we always do, just with another tiny person in tow.

4) Prepare ahead.

About twelve weeks before Luke was born, Neil and I made a comprehensive list of everything we needed to do prior to his birth.  This included everything from setting up Luke's sleeping space to planting the garden to home improvement projects.  Working through these meant that we were prepped and ready to go (with the exception of unanticipated car trouble during my hospital stay).  I also made a few freezer meals and wrote down 8 weeks of menu plans and shopping lists, since food preparation always seems to be the craziest part of the new baby adjustment. 

5) Go on with your life; don't wait for things to calm down.

A week ago, we spent dinnertime discussing all the things we wanted to do as a family over the summer (hence the picture at the top of this post). Neil and I had spent an hour on Sunday afternoon discussing our summer goals and things we wanted to implement in our family to be more successful as parents and as a family unit.  The tendency I had with my first couple of babies was to shift into survival mode, telling myself, 'This, too, shall pass."  Obviously, some sleepless nights will derail the best-laid plans, but in my mind it's better to carry on:  plant the garden, go to the zoo, keep up with family scripture study and date nights and the like, rather than letting your life be completely dictated by the whims of an infant (I've also found that this helps me to look at the baby as a welcome member of the family, rather than that little yeller who is disrupting our ordered existence).  And again, I think this helps the adjustment of the older children--we still do fun things and work towards our family goals, rather than letting them fall by the wayside for three or six months until things are "back to normal." 

I would LOVE to hear what works for you as you adjust to a new baby, whether it's your first or your fifth!

And yes, it IS a career!

Yesterday I happened upon a blog post (from a very popular LDS blogger) that was a bunch of tips for the half-hearted homemaker.  She encouraged everyone to post their own tips in the comments.  I read through them, and I was honestly a little shocked and appalled (do I sound like a Daily Universe letter to the editor?)  Basically, it was all about how to cut corners (think leaving your vacuum cleaner permanently in the entryway so people always think you're cleaning, but you never actually use it). 

Here's the thing.  I believe that anything worth doing is worth doing right.  This isn't to say that my home is always flawlessly clean (come on, I have little kids!) or I have a beautifully prepared dinner waiting the moment my husband walks in the door.  But I really do try hard to have a clean, well-organized, inviting home with nutritious food that I've prepared myself.  I indulge the things I'm passionate about  in this arena:  gardening, sewing, etc.  To me, those things are a gesture of love to my family.  But more than that, I feel like homemaking is my career.  And I try to treat it as such.  As a huge overachiever who really valued scholastic success, I find that I need to work hard at homemaking in order to feel that it's of value, if that makes sense.  As in if I try to do the very best job that I can, then I'm saying that what I'm doing is worthwhile, as opposed to just doing the bare minimum because I feel like it's not worth bothering over.

I know this is very much a matter of individual balance.  But I think that all too often, we look at creating a beautiful, happy, calm home as less than worthwhile.  We think about all the other things clamoring for our attention and wonder if it really is worth cleaning up the thousandth pile of books on the floor.  Or growing a garden when you can just go to the grocery store.  Or cleaning a bathroom mirror that's going to get bespattered with toothpaste when the next kid walks in.  Preparing a meal that toddlers may categorically refuse.

But I believe that it is.  I believe that there is joy and satisfaction in creating an environment for your family that is a place of beauty and serenity and a refuge from the world.  I believe that there is value in spending time and energy and effort to do this.  It takes work and intellectual effort to do this every day!! I believe that we should be proud to be homemakers--that we should view it as a career, not as something to be slightly embarrassed about, as in, "Me?  Oh...I'm just home with the kids." 

Your thoughts?

Turning off the TV

Great post here on some reasons to turn off the TV. 

Growing up, I never had a TV in my home (the first time I lived somewhere with a TV was in college!)  In our home, we have a beat-up old 12-inch TV/VCR combo (which someone gave us) that lives in the very back of our closet--behind my wedding dress and our 72-hour kits--and only comes out when people are throwing up (delightful criteria, I know!)  Neil and I also watch DVDs on the computer (and Hulu!).

When Abigail was younger, I definitely understood the temptation to just turn on a DVD on the computer--or even a YouTube video--so I could just have a few minutes to myself.  And I did, on occasion, but I found that we were all miserable after she'd watched a 20-minute Blue's Clues episode or something like that (she whined for more all day and I felt grumpy about the whining and the fact that I was using the computer screen as a crutch). 

If this is the stage you're in--and you're feeling a little despairing!!--I want you to know that it will pass!!  My children entertain themselves while I take a shower, make dinner, work out, etc.  This has taken a little effort on my part, but I've found that they are happiest being in the same room with me, even if they don't have 100% of my attention.  For instance, while I ran 4 miles this morning Juliet looked at books and played with her dolls on the floor next to me; while I took a shower she sat on the bathroom mat and we sang Primary songs together.  While I make dinner, the kids will often color at the table, play with their Legos in the hallway next to the kitchen, or pitch in with the cooking. About half the time that I'm doing something else they want to be with me; the other 50% of the time they're off playing happily by themselves, but I try to be ready to offer some sort of appropriate entertainment in with me if they're so inclined. It requires a little more creativity on your part, but I've found that my kids are quick to settle in a routine of "while Mommy does x, I do y," and it's smooth sailing from there on out.  (This is not to say that I have not found my entire living room covered in Sharpie marker when I got out of the shower.  They are not angels--just normal kids!)

If you're trying to avoid TV in your home--or just cut down on the number of hours--I can tell you that it will get easier as your children get older, but only if they're not used to having the TV as a resource.  Stick to your guns.  :-) 

I hope I'm not coming off as self-righteous; I really believe that there's real value in not using the TV as a babysitter, but I also understand how daunting it is to keep small people entertained and out of trouble all day.  What I want to convey in this post is that you're not alone!  It's possible!  And it's lovely to see your kids sitting and looking at picture books for hours on end--by choice. 

What do you think?  Is this an issue in your home one way or the other?  Are you happy with the current level of TV-watching going on in your house? 

for your information

I read this post today at new-to-me blog Simple Organic (which has some great articles!) and thought it was a great overview of why anyone would choose cloth diapering.

As a sidenote, we've been cloth diapering for nine months now, and I don't even think about it anymore. It is SO easy, and so not gross at all. I asked Neil the other day if he would cloth diaper our kids if I died (I always ask him things like that when I'm wondering if he's really invested in something or just humoring me), and he said yes, he would, because the cloth diapers don't stink like disposables and we haven't bought diapers in months.

Seriously, I can't say enough good things about cloth diapering, and it was really intimidating to me at first. Go read that article! It's short. :-) And please feel free to email me if you have questions about diapers or about anything. I LOVE getting emails from readers!! (just ask Necia, who didn't know what she was getting into when she asked me about bread recipes...)

a little bit of explanation, because I was pretty flippant in the last post, and then the comments made me think I should explain

Last May, my friend Katrina wrote a post about T. Colin Campbell's The China Study. (Rather than survey the book myself, I'm linking to her excellent and detailed synopsis, please take a few minutes to read it.) This book had been on my must-read list after I finished Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food a month earlier.

So I read The China Study.

And I read Eat to Live.

(the link will take you to another great Katrina synopsis).

And The Blue Zones.

Then I did a whole bunch of research online.

And I talked to my doctor.

***

A little backstory. Our family quit eating partially-hydrogenated oils and high fructose corn syrup in January 2008. That spring, we decided to cut out meat from controlled animal feeding operations. We planted a bigger garden.

***

After I finished up my research, we decided as a family to make some additional changes in our eating patterns. We decided to limit meat to once or twice a month. We ate less eggs and dairy. We felt better.

***

At this point, we are vegetarians most of the time. But I wanted to take it the extra step and see if it really made a difference. Not because I wanted to make a martyr of myself, or because I don't like those foods (if you know me well, you know that cheese is a major major love). But because I really want my family to be healthy. And I feel a responsibility to my children to make sure that they are eating the very best food possible, because they eat whatever is put in front of them and don't get to pick and choose--I want to make good choices on their behalf and give them a healthy start in life. And I would like to live a life free of cancer, heart disease, and diabetes.

So. I'm giving it a month's trial--cutting out, as much as possible, sources of animal protein in my diet. Since meat isn't really an issue, I decided to remove cheese and butter, which are the main animal proteins I eat on a regular basis (I rarely eat eggs and I'm still drinking milk because I forgot to get calcium supplements at the store this week...so that will start next week). After a month, we'll decide how to want to play things as a family.

***

I know this all sounds pretty intense. It is. It's a major commitment, but I strongly suggest that you look into the research a bit. Read The China Study, or even just the Amazon.com reviews. Watch Food Inc. The science is impressive and the results are life-changing. One thing that I found most interesting about my research: most of the people who are making public policy (food guide pyramids, powerful office-holders in the FDA, etc.) are people who have ties to the food industry. As in things like they were president of the Cattleman's Association before they became head of the FDA. You know. Little things like that.

cloth update

Since a bunch of people have asked, here's how I feel after a week about the cloth diapers.

Loving them.

Yes, it's a little more work. Mostly just running another load of laundry every couple of days. I've been really impressed by a) how well the diapers hold everything in and b) how clean they get in the wash--not a sight or a scent of a stain. (I'm doing a cold soak, cold rinse, then adding a little Tide Free and Clear and running a hot wash/cold rinse, then air-drying the covers). But it isn't gross--actually, I would say that the "stinky" diapers aren't nearly as noticeable odor-wise as with disposable diapers. (and believe me, I've had plenty of chances to test this theory out.) I was really amazed to see how things just sort of...peeled right off (and btw, did you know that it's technically illegal to not dispose of the waste in disposable diapers in the toilet before dropping them in the trash? I certainly didn't).

In addition to the Fuzzibunz, we also ordered some prefolds and wraps (the Try-it Kit from cottonbabies.com) and I have really liked those. In fact, the prefold lasts just fine through Juliet's nap, which is great because those are much, much, much cheaper. So right now we have 2 Fuzzibunz, 6 prefolds, and 2 wraps, which is about enough to get us through one day. I ordered three bumGenius today and I'm planning to order another lot of prefolds and wraps so that I can do laundry about every other day.

Juliet has really taken to the new diapers--I must say that she's much more compliant about diaper changes now when she's had the chance to pick out the panda bear cover over the froggies, etc. And I really think her little backside looks darling in all the fun colors and patterns (seriously, have you checked out how adorable cloth diapers are? Totally stylish). I was a little worried about how much more frequently I'd have to change her, but it hasn't been much of an issue at all--I change her about every 2-3 hours during the day, depending on how much she's drinking, and then she's gone up to 13 hours at night.

The only thing I'm not crazy about is the fact that I haven't yet mastered the art of folding the prefolds so they don't leave little red marks over her backside, and they tend to bunch up a bit between her legs. The Fuzzibunz don't have this problem, but then again, each diaper is $18 more. Juliet doesn't seem to care, so I don't know if it's just me being neurotic or if it really makes a difference. And depending on how I do the fold (standard three-fold vs. bikini twist) her shorts don't fit as well (bikini twist works best, but has the drawback of occasionally leaking a bit onto the cover--but it's never made it through to her clothes). I'm also liking the velcro wraps better than the snaps on the Fuzzibunz--just a bit more user-friendly. The one thing I really do love about the Fuzzibunz is they're basically just like a disposable diaper--it takes me a grand total of 20 seconds to change a diaper, whereas the prefolds and wraps require a bit more finesse for a novice like me (a minute or two per change, depending on how wiggly Jules is).

Anyway, I'm really liking the switch. And here's a little secret I haven't told Neil (are you reading this, honey?)...I really don't care whether it saves money or not (although it certainly will). The more I learn about cloth diapering, the more I wish I would have done it earlier, and the more I wish I'd even known it was an option. Super easy, kind to the backside (who wouldn't want to have a nice little layer of microfleece?), and guilt-free.