away, cabin fever!

a child after my own heart--munching on whole-wheat banana bread while she peruses the Crate and Barrel catalog

today I ventured "out" with the kids for the first time. Juliet wouldn't hold still for very long, but Abigail was perfectly happy to pose, and pose, and pose.

it was a lovely morning. so lovely, in fact, that I felt brave enough to follow it up with a trip to the library this afternoon (cool fact of the day: Abigail won a set of the Enchanted Forest Chronicles in the summer-reading prize draw! We started reading about Cimorene's adventures as soon as we got home).

it's sure nice to feel like we can leave the house again!

abandoning guilt

Yesterday we had a lesson in Relief Society on self-reliance. One of the points that was made was that in striving to be self-reliant, we need to be able to take care of ourselves, our families, and others around us--but that it's important to prioritize ourselves so that we are able to give to others. One sister commented that as women in the church, we often put our husbands and children first, and I thought about the very first Enrichment that I worked on as a brand-new member of an Enrichment committee, which had the working theme of "you can't draw water from an empty well," and focused on revitalizing and energizing the women in our ward.

So I decided to quit feeling guilty about the time that I spend doing things for myself. Not that I'm going to start acting like the mother in The Glass Castle and refused to provide food for my children, but I am not going to feel guilty when I take half an hour to run on the treadmill while the kids are playing Legos very happily, or feel guilty when I spend one nursing session reading my scriptures rather than reading stories to the girls. I am the master of feeling guilty about EVERYTHING and constantly apologizing for my inadequacies, so this is kind of a big deal for me.

I've realized that just those two things make an enormous difference in how happy I am and how calmly and patiently I can deal with the bumpy parts of the day, so really, it comes back to benefit my family more with a mother who is cheerful and enjoying the day-long benefits of exercise and spiritual nourishment, rather than trying to cram them in both at the end of the day when the children are in bed and I'm utterly exhausted.

What do you do when you take time out to enrich yourself and re-fill your well, so to speak?

a la mary beth

isn't this boy darling? he weighs 10 lbs now. wow!!

so my little sister posted this entry this evening, which I thought was funny because I was already planning to write about a similar topic, and also funny because my mom called me today when she got home from the farmer's market, and we were making the exact same thing for lunch. I love having a family of foodies, and I am super excited for our mini-vacation with my family in another week or so, where half the day will probably be spent with everyone in the kitchen cooking up goodies. yummy! speaking of which we had the first sweet corn from our garden last night. Abigail was in heaven.

anyway. so today I decided I was just going to make all my favorites with all the yummy stuff from the garden, because Neil was home and I had more time to cook, plus an absolutely enormous pile of cucumbers, squash, zucchini, and tomatoes on the counter (although I'm surprised at how much cooking I've been able to do if I plan strategically around Isaac's needy time--friends brought dinner Mon, Tues, and Wed, and then I made Waldorf-style tuna wraps (great recipe but I substitute plain yogurt for the mayonnaise and Craisins for the currants) and watermelon salad on Thursday, and a freezer meal (rosemary-roasted chicken, zucchini, red potatoes, and carrots), fresh whole-wheat bread, and corn on the cob last night.

anyway, again. so today this is what we ate:

breakfast: whole-wheat pancakes with homemade blueberry syrup

warning: messy!

lunch: baguettes with garden bruschetta (roasted eggplant, tomatoes, basil, feta, garlic, and red onion), Brie, hummus, carrots, sliced beefsteak tomatoes (nothing compares to garden tomatoes!!), and the most perfect grapes ever. as we ate we agreed that yes indeed, we could be very happy living in France.



dinner: from-the-garden pesto pizza (pizzeria bianco's recipe for crust is the very best I have ever tried), topped with aged Parmesan and sliced beefsteak tomatoes, plus the rest of the grapes, garden cucumbers, hummus, and watermelon.



i'm kind of getting hungry again. also is it odd that I'm really proud of/pleased with my kids for liking Brie and hummus? (how many four-year-olds will just eat a hunk of Brie with gusto?)

and something else really exciting (to me at least!)...so when I started running again this week I wanted to take it pretty easy, since I have only run once since I had surgery (and then had to spend two days in bed while my abdominal ligaments recovered). so my plan was to take a few days off after Isaac was born, then start walking for exercise when he was a week old, then start running when he was two weeks old. I figured it would take me awhile to be able to run much, so I was doing the run three minutes, walk two minutes thing and planning to adjust the ratio every couple of runs. so I did that Monday and Wednesday of this week, skipped my run Friday (very bad day, starting out with Abigail yanking her curtains down first thing in the morning and pulling drywall down with them, which also meant it was too light in there for Juliet to nap easily, which meant that Jules was miserable and overtired the rest of the day), and then for my run today, I decided to just run as long as I could and see where I was at. and I ran for 31 minutes straight (and then Isaac was hungry, so I had to stop). I was so excited. granted, I only ran 2.6 miles and normally I'd be running a lot further in that amount of time, but hurray! I felt so great afterwards--I am SOO glad I can run again, because it makes the most enormous difference in how happy I am. endorphins, endorphins.

also running is good when you eat as much bread as I ate today. I love bread so much. I can give up meat, no problem, but I would have the most awful time giving up bread.

and now I'm going to bed.

some days are diamonds, some days are stones

you know it's been a rough day if...

a) your oldest child is washing her dinner off the windows and
b) discovering that the reason why your beans haven't been producing the way they should is because a blasted rabbit has dug itself six tunnels through the beans, all stuffed full of beans and leaves, and has started in on the tomatoes
c) all three children are howling at the top of their lungs simultaneously
d) a calendar is now full of appointments for fun things like the dentist and the dermatologist (to find out if a newly painful and growing mole is cancerous or something fun like that)
e) Juliet has figured out how to take off her cloth diapers while still wearing her clothes, how to shred the disposable variety (during church after soiling the bumGenius), and that it's fun to strip yourself naked (diaper included) at a playdate at someone else's house
f) you decide to give the potty-training thing a go with Jules, out of sheer stupidity (because really, with a two-week old baby?)/desperation about the diaper-escaping thing...be forewarned--Abigail is going to urinate all over the floor
g) the infant who wakes up shrieking every two hours with a full diaper and an empty stomach is the easiest of the three

kids these days

Nothing to remind you that you live in a house with small children quite like turning on the bathtub without bothering to turn the light on, dumping in bubble bath, and leaving while it fills up, then coming back and lowering yourself into the tub only to find that two small people previously filled it full of shredded toilet paper, which has happily disintegrated into a million floating particles.

and then realizing that they must have done this during THEIR bath (while Neil was cleaning the rest of the bathroom and therefore not noticing what they were doing so quietly) and are therefore peacefully slumbering with their hair full of toilet paper.

Nice.

birthday

woken up by a small choir singing "happy birthday mommy!" and a husband bearing a tray of artistically arranged orange juice, hot blueberry pancakes with homemade blueberry syrup, and bacon (if you can't indulge on your birthday, when can you?). spent the day with the girls playing legos and lincoln logs, reading stories, and doing laundry (my goal for yesterday: do all the laundry and spend lots of quality time with the kids). went running. baked whole-wheat bread for lunch. made it to the shower before neil got home. delicious dinner from a sister i visit-teach (seriously, very delicious). such a blessing to be able to not worry about dinner, since the pre-dinner hour is isaac's "i need you NOW!" time. delightful evening, per Neil's orders, spent picking out fabric to recover the futon (we're going with a big splashy pattern! so excited!). perfectly frivolous gift from Neil (I like practical gifts too, but sometimes frivolity hits the spot): new plates. totally unneeded, totally loved.

overall, reveling in the fact that even though I'm a bit sleep-deprived, I am so much more comfortable these days! no swelling, sleeping on my stomach, and able to do things like run, hold Juliet on my lap, and mop the floor on my hands and knees (I hate push mops). I mopped my entire house this morning in celebration (I can't believe I just wrote that!). and enjoying my three little cuties. love these kids.

pictures, updates, and looking backward and forward

Not so regular on the updates these days, hence the vast quantity of pictures...

I feel like we're sloooowly getting back into the swing of things--I even went to church today! Isaac is continuing to be a really good sleeper--he has more awake time during the day, but at night he's eating and going right back to sleep. Unfortunately he's still having "awake time" fairly late at night, so there's only about seven hours between when he settles down for the night and when the girls wake up in the morning (minus two hours for middle-of-the-night feedings in there), so I'm pretty tired most of the time (and unfortunately while Juliet is napping right now, he is WIDE awake!)

In any case, he is utterly darling. Don't you love his little church clothes (which will probably be too small for him to wear next week?) And his crazy hair, which has led to the nicknames Wolverine and Wolf-Man, and lots of comparisons to a very small and darling hedgehog?

I still worry about whether he's eating enough, because the girls were voracious barracuda-type nursers, and he's much more laid-back, but he weighed 8 lbs 14 oz on Friday (regained his birth weight and then some) and he is producing diapers in VAST quantities, so apparently he is eating enough with a vengeance.


The girls are adjusting pretty well, I think. Juliet seems to be taking it more in stride than Abigail, who has had a lot of defiant episodes this week. I am so grateful that my mom was able to spend the last two weeks here (and Rosalind the first week), since it has been a real blessing to be able to sleep in until 8:30 (so nice after getting up every 2 hours all night!!), take a nap in the afternoon, not worry about timing nursing sessions around preparing meals, etc. She read countless stories, took the girls to the playground, and was a real trooper about our cloth diapers (despite my repeated, "Mom, I really don't care if you use the disposables this week!"). Talk about love.



I am a little worried about this week--mostly about the fact that Abigail is really on a disobedience kick, which has reduced me to tears numerous times already (postpartum hormones and lack of sleep are big contributers here as well). I am hoping that as we settle down into more of a routine that she'll be happier--this last week was pretty rough. But all in all, I think we're doing pretty well. Tomorrow should be an interesting day as I figure out how to do three kids all on my own--and guess what? Tomorrow is my birthday!!
Twenty-six.



Last night Neil and I watched Marley and Me. It was a much better movie than I expected, and I really liked what Jennifer Aniston's character said about her life being totally different from the life she'd envisioned, and how her life (being a stay-at-home mother rather than continuing with a highly successful career as a reporter) was so much better than she could have ever planned. I'm grateful for the chance to be a mother, and that at twenty-six, I have three beautiful children as my primary focus. Don't get me wrong, I'm incredibly grateful for the opportunities I've had to get a graduate degree and to teach at the university level and have my own little editing "business," but what I'm really grateful for is the time to do things like plant a garden alongside my children, spend a morning walking through the woods with my family, patch drywall with my husband, and rub little backs during family scripture study. Those are my golden moments.

only Neil is capable of picking things in the squash patch at this point. you really need long arms!

Last but not least, some things I'm looking forward to:

• running again (starting tomorrow! my birthday gift to myself)
• we are making some major dietary changes, based on The China Study and The Blue Zones. I feel like this is the perfect time to start eating a more plant-based diet, since our garden is going crazy with yummy stuff!! Our plan is to eat meat a maximum of once a week, fish at least once a week, and plants and whole grains the rest of the time. We are still going to keep on with things like milk, cheese, and eggs for the time being, although I really would like to try going straight vegan for at least a month. For now, we'll do some baby steps, and I will probably just cut back on my own consumption of animal protein.

and here are a few more little slumbering Isaac shots:

more pictures

A quick photo update while Neil and the girls are at church (but very quick because Isaac is actually AWAKE for the first time in forever). So far so good--he's really a good baby thus far in that he eats and then goes right back to sleep in his bed--we aren't having to resort to swings and bouncy seats or walking around the living room all night. I really hope this lasts! I can function so much better on five or six hours of sleep than I can on two (i.e. Juliet).

We went to the pediatrician yesterday and he's gaining weight again (he was down to 7.12 when we left the hospital, and he's back up to 8 lbs now, so that was great to hear!!).

Anyway...some pictures. Keeping in mind that I have taken exactly zero pictures since we left the hospital (poor third child, I will try to remedy that soon). I've really been trying to keep our house running smoothly and have the girls feel like they're getting lots of attention too, so it's kind of a balancing act--yesterday we went over to the teeny little local zoo after the pediatrician and spent some time watching the monkeys and wandering through the butterfly garden and playing with the baby goats, which Abigail pronounced to be "very petful."

Here is Isaac working diligently to suck his thumb. We're trying to convince him that a pacifier is better, since we are having the most awful time breaking Abigail of the thumb-sucking habit!

And here he is literally a minute after birth. Looks pretty good, doesn't he?!

Abigail looking rather unimpressed...

Jules is completely fascinated with Isaac. She is constantly trying to give him her beloved Hippo Hippo, and is really confused about why he doesn't reach for it with outpourings of love!

And three of the girls (sorry, no more Isaac for now). I thought these were funny because my mom kept trying to get one where everyone was smiling normally and looking at the camera, and she finally just gave up.

the details

We went in for our scheduled induction as planned early Tuesday morning. The doctor came in about forty-five minutes after we got there, and broke my water (at this point, I was at 3 cm). The nurses monitored me for about half an hour, and then gave us permission to go walk around. The really exciting part of this? The hallway that we got to walk was 100 yards long. Fortunately, the nice part about having a baby is hanging out with my best friend all morning, so Neil and I managed to occupy ourselves quite well in an hour of strolling the same 100 yards over and over again, with exciting games like "pick a truck on the freeway and see if it passes this tree by the time we come back" (traffic was really slow). It sounds pretty lame, but it was quite entertaining, actually, and nice to have some fun time together before things got super exciting.

After an hour of walking, they monitored me again for another hour. I was having fairly regular contractions every ten minutes or so, but they weren't too painful yet. Neil fell asleep and I ate my exciting clear liquids breakfast. The contractions started picking up; the nurse released me to go walk some more, and I realized that the contractions were really starting to hurt. So we walked very very slowly for another twenty-five minutes, and I didn't say much to Neil because I was very occupied in my inner debate of "do I want an epidural, or not?" I decided I'd make that decision based on how much I'd progressed by 10:30.

When I reached my self-appointed 10:30 deadline, I asked the nurse to check me and I was just over a 4. At this point, I was exhausted enough (I was of course too apprehensive to sleep much the night before) and in enough pain that I decided to go ahead with the epidural. So they brought in the anesthesiologist, started everything up, and I was very grateful that we'd gotten the process underway because the contractions suddenly picked up and were basically unbearable--every two minutes and about a minute long. They checked me again one more time just to make sure that I wasn't suddenly progressing a lot, and I was still a 4, so I decided to definitely go with the epidural, since it looked like labor was moving fairly slowly and delivery was hours away.

I was shaking so much that the anesthesiologist couldn't really get the needle in, so she had Neil hold my shoulders. Which meant that Neil locked his knees because he was so focused on holding me still, which meant that I looked up at his face and saw that his skin was white, his lips were blue, and he was sweating. In all the excitement that then followed with Neil nearly passing out, I forgot about how miserable I was and the anesthesiologist managed to get the epidural needle in. Poor Neil!

The epidural didn't work. So they repositioned it and tried again. This time it numbed my right side, but not my back or left side. Fortunately, the numbing was enough so that I could focus on doing my Lamaze breathing through every contraction, and maintain some feeling of control over the process that way. I was also still really tired, so I fell asleep in between each contraction (lots of little ninety-second naps. Let me tell you, THAT is fatigue). As a last-ditch effort before completely removing the epidural, they put in a different kind of medication, and lo and behold, it worked! I had three contractions where I felt absolutely nothing, and it was bliss. Then my doctor came in, and decided to check me again.

And I was fully dilated. Forty-five minutes after the second check where I was at a 4, when they started the epidural process. Three contractions after the medication kicked in.

So everyone ran around like CRAZY (while I kept saying, "Are you sure? Wow. That was fast. I was hoping I could take a nap,") and the room filled up with the surgical team, and four contractions later, Isaac was born. It was a really easy delivery, and I didn't need any stitches afterwards, for which I am incredibly thankful, since it was so fast. I got to hold him right away and then we nursed and cuddled together once he'd been tidied up a bit.

I was very grateful that we had gone ahead with the induction, since we would not have made it to the hospital otherwise. And I was also grateful that I'd decided to have the epidural, since I was so exhausted and tense that my muscles were locking and I think the epidural really helped to speed the process rather than slowing it down. And I was extremely grateful for the anesthesiologist that kept on trying until I was comfortable, rather than just walking out like the one who attended me for Juliet's birth. Overall, I was really pleased with the whole experience--I didn't need any Pitocin or other interventions, and I felt like I was still controlling a lot of the pain and getting myself through the majority of the contractions as the epidural was slowly starting up. I was so impressed with the hospital and with all the staff--I think I wrote some of the most effusive thank-you notes I've ever penned!

Recovery has been going well--I don't know whether it was the comparatively quick labor (not totally worn out), the lack of tearing (hurray! no trauma!), or just the relief in having this pregnancy over and feeling so much more comfortable, but things have been great. Isaac is the dearest little boy imaginable. I opted to stay in the hospital for the full two days mostly just to have the "alone time" with him, and it was so wonderful to just have that bonding time with him. With both of the girls, I was so exhausted and in so much pain after their deliveries that the hospital was a blur of sleeplessness and medication, but I was really able to relish the last couple of days with Isaac and just spend all day cuddling with him and talking to him. It's been lovely. Hopefully it continues to be so here at home!

Isaac

Isaac David was born at 1:00pm on Tuesday, July 14, 2009 weighing 8 lbs. 6 oz. and 22 in. long. He is a beautiful baby. He and Rachael are doing very well.

and we're off!

to the hospital! hurray.


I did make it to the induction date after all--I was 3 cm dilated yesterday and having pretty decent contractions all day (regular but not incredibly painful) so hopefully my doctor's prediction of an easy induction will hold true.



stay tuned!

still here

Despite having fairly constant contractions all weekend...no baby. However, this has meant that I've been able to enjoy a visit this weekend with my in-laws, rather than being at the hospital (they're going to be able to come back next week to see the baby, so while it would have been nice to have the baby now so they could see him rather than detouring back again, it will all work out!). I figure I should post though because a bunch of people at church told me they'd been checking my blog for news. :-)

It's been interesting going through all the pre-labor symptoms that I've never really had before to this extent. Almost a week of contractions, cramping, inability to sleep, and general misery--yuck. It really is a relief to know that there's less than 48 hours left! Especially since the swelling is just getting worse and worse. Worse worse worse. I can't get my rings off anymore, which is the first time this has ever happened to me--usually I have to take off all my rings when I run so they don't fall off!

Last weird pregnancy thing that I've never had before--spontaneous nosebleeds. This morning while I was brushing my teeth my nose starting GUSHING blood (right in time for church, of course)! Has anyone ever had that happen before?

why my windows are never clean

It's amazing how fast my sweet little girls transform into the Sucking Lampreys of Death.

Need I say more?

one way or another

yesterday I had cramping and contractions for 12 hours--enough that I finally took a bath around midnight to try to relieve the pain. I finally managed to fall asleep, slept for five hours, and woke up with nary a twinge. Now it's starting all over again. I can't decide if I really hope that labor is going to start at some point SOON, or if I'd rather the false labor continue for a few more days so that this baby can keep growing inside.

At this point, it's really comforting to know that at least the baby will be born by Tuesday night!

quilt is DONE!

I completely finished the quilt last night, with much much much help from Neil (he sat next to me for four hours and kept the tension steady on the huge mass of fabric, since the machine's automatic roller foot couldn't keep it going by itself). What a man. Seriously, I love that guy so much. For the record, making this thing entailed piecing together 20 squares, hand-quilting each one, then machine-quilting all the sashing, borders, and binding. It was an ENORMOUS project and I am so glad it's done! I put the quilt on Abigail's bed last night, and she had the most enormous grin this morning when she woke up and saw it--she grabbed it in both hands and hugged it to her chest. It was pretty rewarding to see that reaction. :-)

Here's the whole thing in all its iridescent glory (I swear, the colors are bright in real life, but not THIS bright!)



And it will be nice not to have this facing me every time the kids are asleep:



Here's a nice wrinkly shot of the borders and binding.



There are lots of flaws and imperfections, but I can definitely say it's better than the first quilt I made for the girls! (modeled here by Jules)



I also saw my doctor this morning (2 cm dilated, 70% effaced). She is really worried about how swollen my leg is (not just the foot anymore, how fun!) so she stripped my membranes just in case the baby is ready to come. So I have a slightly better than 50% chance of going into labor in the next 24 hours (how am I ever going to relax today?!) If nothing has happened by Tuesday, which to be honest with you, I'd be surprised if it does, she'll break my water then and we'll be having a baby sometime soon! While I'd like to go into labor on my own, I'd also like to avoid long-term damage to my circulatory system, so I feel good about this. I've also been having contractions and some cramping anyway, so I'm hoping that things will come more or less naturally in the end. One thing I really like is that while my practitioner definitely does medical intervention, she tries for the more natural method first (i.e. breaking my water vs. starting off with Pitocin).

And...that's all for now.

holiday

what i hope the girls remember about the weekend:

• picking 30 lbs of blueberries in the warm rain
• making homemade rootbeer (dry ice!) with Daddy
• watching the university's amazing fireworks from the laps of their aunt and grandfather
• lots of snuggle time with family--my parents and two of my sisters were here
• setting off mortars in the backyard
• eating fresh-from-the-garden veggies

such a lovely fourth. too many things to blog about, so I'm not trying, but it was lovely. and also i am done hand-quilting. which is exceedingly lovely.

hunkering down

honestly, I want this baby OUT. I can't sleep anymore because I dream that the baby is clawing its way out from the inside and Neil is trying to sew my stomach back up (I was hand-quilting the girls' quilt last night while I watched The Business of Being Born and I don't think it was a good combination). I know I wrote yesterday about how content I was with things right now, but let me tell you, I do hate playing the waiting game. Especially when it seems like I have so many inconsequential things to do, and the days are both very long and all too short.

What's wrong with me that the hospital sounds awesome right now?

And since I've been thinking about it all day after watching that movie, what are your thoughts about midwives vs. traditional ob/gyns? Medicated vs. "natural" birth? Elective inductions?